20 little things

Now here!

2011-04-02T15:14:00.001-07:00

Find me these days at tharshesews.blogspot.com.

Scrappy clutches

2010-06-09T14:16:00.000-07:00

I just keep on keeping on with my crafty kick!

I recently made two scrappy clutches from the site fromanigloo.blogspot.com. This project, each time, took me several hours. Like maybe five. Each time, I did it on a Saturday and basically fell into a sewing trance where come hell or high water, I was not going to stop until the clutch was DONE, damn it.

Except, well, I did. Quit that is.

The first time, I simple missed the last step. Just didn't notice it! I kept looking at my purse with this one interior flash not sewed down and thought, Hmmmm, really? I guess that's normal?!

What an idiot! Finally a few hours later I checked the tutorial again to see it needed some top stitching to finish it up. Who'da thunk?

The problem was that my clutch is so small and fat, it seems impossible to get it in a good position on my machine to accomplish that top-stitch. It would stitch through the material but not feed it. I tried it several ways, and then gave up. Both times.

But oh well. They're still cute and functional, and if I ever stop being stubborn, I'll figure out how to actually put that finishing touch on them!

What do you think?

I'm enjoying using them! They're the perfect size to hold my wallet, phone and lip-gloss. I can keep all that stuff in them and then throw the clutch in a bigger bag if need be -- a diaper bag, my work bag. And then my essentials are easy to find.

Read 25 books: The Year of Pleasures

2010-06-03T05:28:00.000-07:00

Finished a book last night, finally! It's been a while since I made it through one.

It was The Year of Pleasures, by one of my favorite authors, Elizabeth Berg. She's sort of a guilty pleasure author, although I don't feel it's quite fair to her to attach that label to her. She writes about women, mostly in their 40s or 50s, living ordinary lives, stumbling through relationships or common life happenings. Births, deaths, marriages, divorce. In this book, the protagonist, Betta, is 55 and newly widowed. Her husband was her life, a fact that sort of irked me. She had worked as a children's book writer, a fact that is mentioned a few times but never expounded on, never something that seems important to Betta. That struck me as off. Writers, even when they're not writing, typically think about writing, right? But she doesn't put pen to paper once during the book.

Instead, what she does is sell her brownstone in Boston for an obnoxious sum and moves to the Midwest, to a town she has never heard. This intrigued me. My husband and I used to have these grand plans in college to move to a place called Carefree, Arizona. We talked about it for months as if we were actually going to do it. It felt very romantic and adventurous, our plans to move to a city in the dessert based solely on its quirky name. But we never did do it. We graduated, we scored great internships, and our lives began in a much more realistic, down-to-earth kind of way. So in a sense, I appreciated Berg's plot because it held that sense of excitement that we rarely experience in "real life." But it also felt, of course, a little unreal. Not the idea, but the execution. Things worked out a little too perfectly, and sometimes nonsensically. She finds the perfect house in the perfect town and buys it with cash. She quickly meets characters she connects with, including with little trouble, finding with her old collage roommates. In "real life," these woman likely would have grown apart. Not in the book. Her three best friends are largely the same as who they were back then, and they're still best friends, and they're somewhat suspended in time, just waiting for Betta to call.

The problem is that some of these people and relationships are never fleshed out. It feels a little bit like Berg doesn't know where she's going or what the point is. Why is the 9-year-old kid from next door in her life? What's his purpose in the story? What does he teach Betta? I seriously can't answer that. Or the two 20-year-old men she befriends? They have some nice moments together, but if they fulfill some part in Betta's life or move her forward in her grief, I can't really say. Even among the best friends, only one is crystallized. Another has only one character-enhancing scene with Betta; the last is barely more than a name taking up space. There is also this ongoing thread of found scraps of paper from her deceased husband, each containing a single word or phrase. And these phrases make no sense to Betta. Or to me, the reader. And if there is ever a revelation about why he wrote down these nonsense words for Betta to find, what he hoped to convey through them, or what they actually mean, it is lost on me, never really explained. That was disappointing.

I'm being pretty harsh and the truth is, while the book left me a little stumped at the end, trying to piece together the holes and make sense of the way things worked in the world Berg created, I did enjoy reading it. Berg is pretty sentimental about very small things -- delicious food, the textiles in her character's home, the fleeting feelings and memories that are sparked in our minds. I don't mind this sentimentality. It seems to me very much the experience of being a woman. So these writing moments kept me going.

But in the end, it just didn't come together like most of her books. There were too many glaring holes in the end, too many relationships and situations that I look back at now and think, why did you take us through that if it didn't lead to any advancement in a character's life? It's sort of stumping.

I'll read Berg again, though. And now I must pick up something else! I'm pretty far behind in my goal of reading 25 books. Time to play catch up.

Who to write a letter to?

2010-06-02T05:45:00.000-07:00

One of my 20 Little Things is to write hand-written letters once a month. I'm not doing so well in this area.

Part of the problem is that I feel honestly like it is weird to write someone you speak with or Facebook with or text with a hand-written letter. It feels very formal. What is there to say if you see my status updates on Facebook? It almost feels like I need some grand reason for writing on paper. Our world is so willy-nilly with communication now, everything is so fast and casual that I am quite stumped at how to find the right tone for a real letter. And the right recipient.

I'd thought about writing to a company or store that I love. But when the time comes, I can't think of one that I want to write to! Is something wrong with me? Can you imagine yourself writing a letter to some store you really loved, just to say you loved it? Why does doing so make me feel like some creep?

The fallback is always Grandma. Grandma writes US letters, and we don't email with her, so it's either that or the phone. She probably wouldn't mind a hand-written letter every month. But I'd like to shake it up.

Who should I write a letter to? Who was the last person you wrote a real letter to? Give me some ideas, pretty pretty please!

I Heart Faces -- Week 22 -- Barefoot week

2010-06-01T05:47:00.000-07:00

This was taken last summer in Old Montreal on our first day of a week long vacation. Luke was often barefoot back then. Now, he's a little shoe lover. He loves to put on shoes to go for a walk, to go to the park, to just go. He'll bring me his shoes sometimes -- like, hint hint, Mama! Or he'll walk around in my shoes, even my heels! I'm actually a foot hater -- something about feet gives me the shudders. But this little baby's feet, I could kiss and pet all day.

See more fun "Barefoot" photos at I Heart Faces!

Oh, and, this week, instead of making it a photo competition, the blog is raising awareness for a great organization called Soles 4 Souls. Go check it out here!

Memorial Day

2010-05-30T11:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we walked into town to let Luke dip his feet in the fountain. He loves that. He also made some friends and frolicked in the grass in front of the war memorial. I never actually realized my town HAD a war memorial, so while he scampered about, I stepped up to read the plaques surrounded by flowers. Kind of fitting to find it on Memorial Day weekend.

My Dad did not serve in the military -- he was too young for Korea and I think too old for Vietnam. I don't know if he was in the draft or not. I'll have to ask him. But both my grandpas also lived into the 1980s and 90s. Whether they were in the military or not, I don't know. If so, it wasn't something talked about. One grandfather died when I was just two, the other when I was 19. We never really talked about much at all.

So when it comes to Memorial Day, it's not so much a personal thing to me. Growing up, Memorial Day meant one thing: that the pool at the country club was opening, and it was time for the summer swim season to begin. We might have had a BBQ or something like that, but nothing much was made about remembrance or military sacrifice or the freedoms we take for granted.

But I've been choked up a few times this weekend thinking about those very things. Once was reading this post called "We Remember and are thankful," at Lovely Bud. She writes about her husband who is in the army and how blessed she is that each time he's been deployed, he's returned home to her. How we should not only remember those who fought but their families at home, waiting, praying for their loved ones to come back. I cannot image what being a mother and wife in that situation would be like, how strong you would try to remain for your children while on the inside worrying yourself to pieces.

Then another kind of rememberance spoke to me: one of a mother who has lost her child. Not to a war involving guns and tankers and bombs, but a war of the body, a tiny heart that was fighting for its life. From the blog Out of a New Habit, the talented heart mom Stephanie talks about the birth of her baby girl one year ago. Little Kaia Belle lived only 34 days. She died of a congenital heart defect.

Here's what her mother writes: "Kaia, I miss you more than words could ever explain. I can't believe how much our lives have changed because of you. And I know that your lifetime of work was done in only 34 days, and then you were allowed to go Home. I pray that you are flying with the butterflies and playing with the other lions up there..."

OK, in that case, "choked up" doesn't cover it. Remembering you today, Kaia. What a beautiful little girl you were.

The final time was this morning at church when we saw a short video about a soldier who died in 2004 fighting overseas. He was 22. He was married only a few months before his deployment. In the video, his widow and his mother each read a letter they received from him shortly after this death. I cannot fathom the grief of those women, and also the pride.

Sometimes I profess to hate my country. It's said in jest over things like bad maternity leave laws, or the concept of the Tea Party, or so many other little things that irk me. But the truth is, I know what marvelous freedoms I enjoy. To wear and say what I want, to marry whom I want, to decide whether or not I'll work, to know that there is a justice system and law enforcement that works much of the time to protect me. That I can write this very blog with no reason to worry that I'll be censored or prosecuted for speaking my mind. That I can worship God in openness. By no means are things perfect here, but this land is indeed great, and it's thanks in no small part to the soldiers and elected officials who serve us, to those brave men and women who never get to come home, and to all the mothers out there surviving a kind of grief I can only hope I'll never know.

Happy Memorial Day.

Six dates with my husband, anniversary edition

2010-05-28T06:18:00.000-07:00

Four years ago, May 27 was a very hot day. Perfectly sunny. Couldn't ask for better weather for a garden wedding.

I felt so pretty.

And really really happy.

I'm a lucky girl. My husband is kind, responsible, funny, intelligent, hard-working. He vacuums, does the dishes, takes care of our lawn, folds the laundry, picks up. He's an amazing father who takes time to play with Luke, read to him, tell him things. He listens to me when I am crazy. He supports me. He makes me feel pretty. He loves me.

To celebrate our four year anniversary, we both had the day off of work. He bought me flowers in our wedding colors (pink and orange). Gorg.

He gave me chocolate and a skirt and bracelet from a store I like. They were almost just right.... But I did return them. I'm bad, I know. He tried!

After I bought my new skirt, we went to dinner. We tried to get a family photo first. That didn't work out very well.

Trying to coax him up to sit with us. He wasn't having it.

So it was just us two.

That knitted shrug was the one I wore at my wedding! Made by my dear friend and maid of honor, Kelly, who also snapped that family photo for us!

After the picture taking was done, we went to dinner at the Forest Grill, the restaurant of the year. It was wonderful. Especially my entree. It was a vegetarian dish with gnocchi and something green and something drizzly and I don't know WHAT I was putting in my mouth but it was freaking delicious. Dessert was also to die -- a bread pudding with bits of chocolate just mingling around and melting into a gooey, sugary, bread-y, creamy wonderfulness. The only hitch with dinner was that the two glasses of wine I ordered did not cost $9 each as I thought but $17 each. Um, whoops!

After dinner we found a bar with a guy playing live music and we sat and listened and talked before coming home. It was a great anniversary date! I cannot believe four years have gone by. We have our ups and downs, bad times and good times. But I love my husband and our family and our life. I'm very very lucky. I suppose the word is blessed.

I heart Faces -- Week 21 -- Yellow

2010-05-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

First time I'm doing the I Heart Face photo challenge. Fun times.

I snapped this last March in South Carolina. We were so excited to go to his sister's wedding and stay in an ocean-side house. Who knows when I'll get to stay on the ocean again?!And then it looked like this the entire time. EXCEPT for an hour of sunshine that appeared out of nowhere, get this, right in time for the wedding! Nutty eh?

Anyway, the weather sucked, but I sort of love the gray photos. And this one I really love the facial expressions. Give a little baby a plastic beach toy, and boy, you better watch it.

Also I like seeing how small Luke was. A little scoop of a baby.

See more photos featuring yellowy yellow at IHeartFaces.

Plant an herb garden

2010-05-23T05:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't been cooking at home as much as I should or as I like. We have a cafeteria at work, and I've been taking too much advantage of that fact. It's bad for my health and spirit -- really, isn't it a bummer to eat so much cafeteria food? So I need to get back to cooking a few nights a week, ensuring we have a good amount of leftovers. And now I have another really good excuse -- last weekend, I planted my herb garden!

I don't know what the heck I'm doing. Sort of free wheeling it and hoping that a combination of dirt, water and sunshine is enough to sustain these guys. Are there other things I need to know? My friends told me last night that "You can't mess up herbs," and then shared stories about how theirs "never took." Um, what? Level with me -- are they easy or not?!

Mine are all in individual pots, except the dill and thyme, which share a container. I'm also growing basil, cilantro, oregano, Italian parsley and rosemary.

See all the herbs in there? No? Yeah, silly me forgot to get a pic of just the herbs!

I need to get some recipes going! Instead of doing what I'm doing now -- wander into the backyard once a day to snip off a leaf or two of each herb to smell, inhaling deeply. Aaaaaahhhhhh.

Are you growing any herbs this year?

Oilcloth book cover

2010-05-22T05:58:00.000-07:00

Added 6/9: This project was featured as in the Prudent Baby Project Pool! Very cool, thanks Prudent Baby!

___

We really put off our Mother's Day gifts this year. It was mid-day Saturday before we finally decided on a game plan. I had purchased some lovely oilcloth a few weeks back and had finally figured out a use for it. Oilcloth book covers! (From where else but Prudent Baby?) So my husband went to the bookstore and picked up two copies of The Help, which I keep hearing great things about. The idea was that we'd give each mom the book wrapped up in its very own book cover.

The idea fell apart about 11 p.m. that night when after completing one I realized a) I didn't have enough oilcloth for two and b) the first one I made somehow was too small to fit The Help into it. D'oh!

At that point, I threw the towel in and decided to go to bed. I would just keep the book cover for myself. The next day I searched for something that would fit in it, and behold! (Isn't it funny to say Behold!) My Bible fit really well! And honestly, doesn't it actually make more sense to put a Bible in a book cover than some random novel you will likely read once and then sell in a garage sale?

So behold! (again!) my oil cloth book cover.

What do you think? I really wanted a wider ribbon. But first my husband bought me some that was way off
(love you honey!), It was, first of all, not even fabric. So I had to dig out something from my drawer here, and this was all I had. I love the colors together! Overall, really love that my Bible has a cozy new cover. Makes me want to read it more, and that's a good thing.

Happy things

2010-05-19T17:49:00.000-07:00

One of the books in Luke's current rotation is called the "Pout-pout Fish." It's about a depressed fish that can't get over itself and find some joy in life. "I'm a pout-pout fish," he says, "with a pout-pout face, for spreading dreary-wearies all over the place."

I have been a bit of a pout-pout myself lately.

It bothers me.

So I'm dedicating this post to a bunch of random things that make me smile. To remind myself that I too should get over myself and look around and let some joy in.

Just read a lovely post a blog called Brighter Than Sunshine. Written by a woman who seems endlessly hip, it's partially about her and her husband's story of adoption. They are awaiting their Ethiopian daughter. Read this post about all the things this mama wants for her girl. Doesn't that say it all? Also, she is selling aprons to help finance the adoption, which she said will cost $25,000. This link will take you to the store where you can buy one.

What else?

A recipe for Apple-Banana Cupcakes. Like a muffin, but with frosting. I must try these soon.

Speaking of delectable treats, check out this fabric-pattern inspired cake. How freaking cool is that?

When I'm feeling extra pout-pouty, a good place to check in is the Feel Bad Blog. An artist living in Las Vegas or maybe Los Angeles, I'm not sure, started this blog after she lost her job. It's hilarious and done all in graphic illustrations. I love it. Even when it is kind of sad -- I mean, the blog is indeed all about feeling bad -- it is funny. Check it out.

Oh and finally, I must announce. I am a Gleek. I don't even like this song. But I love it on Glee.

Wordless Wednesday 5/19

2010-05-19T04:05:00.000-07:00

Scenes from Flower Day at Eastern Market.

Make-up bags

2010-05-18T17:43:00.000-07:00

Attempt one. Took me all afternoon. Fabrics given to me by my friend Jen. It turned out somewhat functional but far from perfect. The outer fabric was kind of hard to work with. It was fraying terrible by the zipper and I wound up with holes. Also I was hasty when I cut the corners on the bottom and they ended up being uneven. This is a lesson I am slowly learning from sewing: there is no cutting corners. You must take time, measure, pin, recheck everything, and go slowly. That is typically not how I operate in life. Most of the time, I make up my mind (this is the part that can take me forever) and then I GO. I'm learning to focus on the details and take my time.

See? Lop-sided.

Attempt two turned out much better. Used up the scraps from my apron and made another bag, this one a birthday present for my friend Aimee.

I think there might have been a hole somewhere in this one, too. That's one thing I have trouble with -- leaving enough seam allowance. But overall, I was really happy with this!

Then I decided to sew up one for my Mom for Mother's Day. She isn't much of a traveler or a make-up wearer. But I figured anyone can find a use for a cute zipper pouch, and at that point, I had no other ideas. So this is what she got.

Made up of Arts and Scraps fabric finds, so the total cost for this one was basically $2.

I'm going to make myself another one to replace the first attempt. Then of course I will need to buy all new makeup in nice clean packages. The outside of my makeup always gets gunky and then my make-up bags get gunky. Does that happen to everyone, or am I just an even bigger mess than I realize?

Oh, by the way, the tutorial is from, you guessed it, Prudent Baby! I'm kind of obsessed.

10-minute onesie dresses

2010-05-17T18:18:00.000-07:00

I need to have a girl.

Seriously! There are so many cute things to make for girls. Boys, not so much.

But a few weeks ago, I whipped up these "10-minute onesie" dresses from Prudent Baby. Of course, for me, I think the first one took at least an hour, and the second one probably 30 minutes. It's true they're simple though, and fairly easy. And how cute! I'm excited to give these to one of my 13 preggo friends. It's hard to pick who... If you're one of them and want one, you can bribe me with blue corn tortilla chips and white bean hummus from Trader Joe's. I think that combo is now one of the major food groups in this house.

I'll be updating this week with several more projects I've been working on.

What are YOU working on?

Sandy, can't you C?

2010-05-14T18:28:00.000-07:00

Oh little forgotten blog. I've missed you.

Trying to unstick my mind is not easy. In the meantime, I have been sewing.

I'd like to show you all the pretty things I've made...

And I will. Soon.

But I know this blog is fast turning into a gee-look-what-I-made-now dumping place. Not my intention.

So before we to that, let me update a 20 little thing. Imagine!

I started my reading corp volunteering this week. My little preschooler Sandy (named changed to protect the innocent with an oddly-spelled name) was incredibly confidence, squirmy and pleasant. She could spell her oddly-spelled name when I put the letters in front of her all scrambled. She really was one step ahead of me every time I tried to introduce something new to here. Read Mary Had a Little Lamb? Pish-posh tutor! She said the whole thing right along with me. When I read The Very Hungry Caterpillar, she knew the storyline and pointed out all the fruits. She really wanted to practice writing her name. I let her. The first letter looked very good. After that, not so much I have no idea how well kids her age are supposed to be able to write. But I felt a little bit like Sandy didn't really need much help. Or maybe my expectations were too low? I don't know. Sandy might not be my regular student anyway; there was some confusion when I arrived about who I was to see.

I'm excited to see where it goes.With Sandy or whoever.

Two other things:: immediately after meeting the woman running the program at my school, a really nice woman about my age, I realized she had lipstick on her teeth. BAD. So we're in the hallway and I'm internally debating whether to tell her, when my boss walks up. Not just my immediate boss, but like THE boss. So now it is the three of us, and she's shaking his hand, and ug, I felt so bad. What would you do in a situation like that?

The other thing: It was my first time in a DPS elementary school. I spent most of it in the library. The room was mostly filled with tables. Only half of the room was lined with shelves for books -- none were in the middle or the room or in the other half. Those shelves, I'd say, where about 35% full. Sad.

Apron!

2010-05-01T04:59:00.000-07:00

I made an apron!

And I did it without a tutorial to follow or a pattern, besides the old raggedy apron I wanted to replace. I just folded it in half length-wise, folded the fabric in half and cut. The straps, the same thing, although I did start with one fabric and then switched when I couldn't flip the tube right-side out easily. I made the first tube too narrow using too stiff a fabric. This red backweight cotton was easier to work with, and I increased the size a little. I think doing it again, I'd make the bottom straps even thicker. I like a big thick strap.

Of course, there are a few little issues. I'm not sure how to best close the ends of the straps. I should have closed one end while sewing, but it didn't dawn on me. Attaching them was also a question, but I did what made sense to me -- folded them into the edges of the hems then then sewed them straight in as I stitched around the sides.

It has a nice double pocket on the front... might be a little hard to see.

For my first apron attempt, I'm pretty pleased!

After I was done, I did find a boatload of free apron tutorials via TipNut.com. So you don't have to freewheel it like me!

April comes to a close

2010-04-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

I made this list of 20 Little Things early in January on a Sunday afternoon. I can't really remember what happened that morning. But somehow by 2 or 3 p.m. that day, I'd managed to find a sliver of time in which my brain was not cluttered, my son was not calling for me, my chores were out-of-sight-out-of-mind, work was a day away. I scribbled down the list quickly, throwing on it all sorts of jumbled dreams and ideas I harbor. Some practical, some purposeful, some intended to teach me something new or bring me an experience I had to that point lacked. I didn't have to think long or hard. It was all right there. Once it was on paper, I felt instantly excited about what this year was going to be.

I still want all those things for myself. It still excites me to picture a life in which they're all realities.

But I'm going to forgive myself right now.

I'm failing the list.

It's OK. It was a moment in time when I made some absurd decry about my life for 12 uncharted months. What the hell did I know then?

I'm not saying I'm giving up or anything. Hell, I plan to plant that herb garden tomorrow. But I am admitting that perhaps I was too lofty. A list of 20 actual events might have been easier. Single-time things that I could scratch off and be done with. But some of the things on that list are daily things. Some weekly. Some came with arbitrarily assigned quotas. Why do I need to write one letter a month, really? What's at the heart of it is I simply like the idea of writing letters and would like to do it more. That's all. Same with prayer and with calling my brothers... They're on the list for a reason, but I am now questioning whether it was smart to set such rigid guidelines for how they're to happen.

Look. I don't know what it is. The spring air? Some serious inbalance in my life? The reality of being a mom with a toddler and a full-time job? But something has had me teetering lately. Fine one moment, practically certifiable the next. I honestly can not tell you what exactly is wrong. Maybe nothing. Maybe I just need to appreciate everything I have more, because I am blessed beyond belief.

I don't want you think I'm coo-coo-la-la-land crazy over here. I'm not. Like I said, much of the time, all is well. But I assume honesty is appreciated. So here's me being honest.

I'm scared to have another kid. It's going to hurt. It's going to be hard to be a mom of two. It might mean I walk away from my career. I can't promise that the child will be healthy; the last one wasn't. Maybe that one was my fault; maybe I'll make the same mistakes unknowingly again. The clock is ticking.

What else? My job. There is a lot I'd love to say about it, but I won't here. The thing I will say is that the thing that drove me, personally, this silly-little-dream that I could be great at what I do... it's hard to access right now. It's not gone, but perhaps buried. I feel sad and purposeless without it.

What else? Being a mom is the most rewarding, wonderful thing in my life. But tonight my son screamed for 10 minutes because I wouldn't give him my bowl at dinner. I thought he wanted my food, and could not solve the equation, until finally, it dawned on me. The fucking bowl. He wanted the f-ing bowl. He delights me more than anything ever, and I love him to the bottom of my heart and back up a thousand times. But also, he tires me. He doesn't stop. Ever. Hearing him say 'Mama' makes my heart do little dances. But also, he says it about 500 times a day. Sometimes -- many times -- for no reason.

What else? My imperfect little brain with all its issues is still floating around in my head, causing trouble. In a cage match with my heart, it wins every time, and my little heart is sitting in the corner more than it should be, trying to puff itself back up.

All these hairy emotional personal icky little issues. They hit the list in a lot of ways. Make me want to eat cookies and pizza instead of fruits and whole grains, and sleep in instead of workout, and watch TV instead of anything else. They turn me inward, where I can stew and feel badly about everything, instead of outward, to productive things like praying or serving others.

I'm no superwoman. I guess that's all I'm saying.

So. I'm laying down an amendment.

If I don't meet these 20 Little Things by the letter, I will continue to try to meet them by their spirit. That's what I really care about anyway.

I certainly didn't make this little list so I could feel bad that I'm failing at it. So this is just an FYI, that I'm changing the game or the rules or whatever. It's my game anyway.

Mother's Day gift guide

2010-04-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

Him: Are there any mothering devices you'd like for Mother's Day?

Me: Like a robot?

Him: I was thinking more like a leash.

Catching up, part 2

2010-04-26T14:24:00.000-07:00

Where did we leave off? Oh, yes.

Grow a fresh herb: Perhaps this Saturday would be a good day to plant my container garden, no? I'm thinking: basil, thyme, rosemary, dill, hmmm, what else? What's easy? If you know, please do tell me!

Hold a dinner party: Yes, check-mark. Full post on the Seinfeld dinner party will be coming soon!

Keep an up-to-date calendar. Oh my. MAJOR fail. Ultimate fail. Besides water, probably my weakest link. I am going to schedule a 30 minute catch-up for this Thursday. I don't care when Thursday, but at some point that day, I'll get it back on track.

Make something crafty: I've already completed this of course, but that hasn't stopped me from continuing to craft! Full post coming this week about my attempt to make a make-up bag, and a few new DIY pocket bibs! Also, if I finish it, an apron. I just cut the fabric last night.

Read 25 books. Eee. This is another black hole. I have started so many. But you know, I do think I will have one to say I finished later this week. I'm reading a book about not taking yourself too seriously as a mom. It's refreshing, and perhaps just what I needed to chill me out.

Run a 10K. Crickets! I did have my eyes on a 10K that's coming up this weekend, but it turns out I have to work Sunday. So I'm back at zero. My goal: scan the next few months and see what's coming up. I believe there actually might be a perfect solution -- a 10K the goes right by my house!

Set aside 30 minutes per week for prayer, This is getting embarrassing! Do my middle-of-the-night prayers count? Probably not. So. Listen up. I will be getting up at 5:50 tomorrow. I will pray until 6:20. It's said. It's done. If you have someone for me to pray for, leave me a comment.

Take Luke to the beach. I have my eyes on July 1. We'll have to see if the weather cooperates.

Take more videos of Luke. I took one on my phone a few days ago of him counting to 20! He skips many numbers and always ends up saying, "18, 19, 20, 18! Twenty and the last 18 are both yelled. If I can figure out a way, I'll post it here soon.

Write one letter and mail it each month. I'm going to write a company I love to tell them how much I love them. People don't do that enough anymore.

Write something not for work. A little deflated here after the big-time magazine didn't bite on any of my story ideas. But I am also boasted by their interest alone. I have a few ideas kicking around in there.

Today I sat and watched Luke play at the park, and for the first time in a long time, I felt genuinely inspired. Not by any idea in particular, but just simply inspired. Like I was noticing things, breathing in the world, not simply stewing in some mix of anxiety or fear or worry. Moved to see the wind blowing in the trees, energized by the realization that there are characters and words and story ideas in there. I should get them out onto paper sometime.

Catching up

2010-04-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

Ha! I make a post saying I'm back and then take off another few days.

Forgive me. This month is just nutso insane. Lots going on. I'll stop now and get on with it.

Since I have a lot of catching up to do, I'm going to do a little run through the list. Shall we?

Bake sourdough bread: Nope, sorry. I am saving this for the fall. Won't it be nice when the first chill hits the air to take to the kitchen and bake up a loaf of sourdough? To serve with a big pot of soup? Mmmm. Yes, I will save this for sure.

Call my brothers once a month: Talked to Scott today! We had lots to talk about. He put an offer in on a condo. And he got himself a puppy! Ozzie... do you not love him?

Do a random act of kindness: Um, wow. Just realized my day is tomorrow! I'll be uber busy with the March for Babies. We'll see what I can come up with.

Do something service related: See above! I think raising money for the March of Dimes counts! Right?

Drink more water: Oh my goodness. How amazingly I'm failing at this one! I just am not drinking water at all. Barely a sip. What happened? I don't know! Well, most likely, I simply got lazy. The result is I've been more tired and grumpy feeling all month. Can I really blame that on lack of water? I think so! It's a subtle difference, but drinking a good amount of water just makes everything work better. My mind, my body, my sleep, everything.

Eat right (more whole grains, less meat, more fruits and veggies): Doing OK. Not great. Social events make eating right tough. Being tired and grumpy makes the desire to cook wane. The result: too much eating out and not taking my lunch to work with me. But I'm please to report I did try: at the Frozen Four, I walked around the concourse until I found a vendor that sold veggie burgers. The funny part is that I am pretty sure they still served me a cheeseburger. But I did try! I also ordered veggie creole at my husband's birthday dinner, bypassing many many tempting dishes with andoielle sausage. Mmmmm sausage. This morning, at breakfast out with friends, I ordered a vegan tostada. So there! I'm trying! The one area I could really stand to work on is fruit. Surprising because I love fruit. So why am I barely eating any?

Establish a 6 a.m. workout routine: Boooo! Since Jazzercise, this hasn't happened. Time to get back on the train. I am buying a four-month membership to Jazzercise. That'll do the trick.

Fast once per quarter: Maybe I should set a date.

Go on six dates with the hubby man: Check mark! We had a great time last weekend at his surprise 30th birthday party. Most of it was a solo date. First, I took him to the gun range. I know it's weird, but he's been having a mimi mid-life crisis lately about his lack of "life experiences," among them, shooting a gun. So we bought a round of bullets and rented him a 9mm. I have never felt more out of place anywhere in my life (well, except maybe all of middle school). After that, we had dinner with family and friends at his favorite restaurant, then a drink with a couple more friends before heading out to see Jerry Seinfeld at the Fox Theatre. Best part of the show: a lengthy bit about Pop-tarts. Worst part: when the guy behind us commented to his friend how the theatre might be a terrorist target because of "all the Jews there."

Go to breakfast with friends once a month: It's possible I did two this month! Once with my friend Jen, followed by a refreshing 30 minute walk. And this morning with one of my 13 pregnant friends, followed by a fabric shopping trip. I love Saturday mornings.

OK, we'll do the next 10 tomorrow!

Oh, hello

2010-04-19T18:25:00.000-07:00

Oh, hi.

What's that?

Oh yes.

I've been sort of quiet lately, eh?

My mind has been a little lost in the clouds. Big, thundering, sometimes stormy clouds. Not entirely stormy. Sometimes really soft, light-as-a-feather clouds that that make you want to curl up for a nap.

In other words, I've been busy. Physically busy. Mentally drained. My social calendar has been overflowing. Lots o' fun to be had. Not much time for stopping to catch my breath. And to blog.

Or to stick to my hopes for myself. I could list off all thing little things I have been letting slip right outta my life, but I don't want to beat myself up anymore.

It's OK to feel a little lost in the clouds sometimes. It happens.

Anyhoo. I do want to get back on track a bit. Shake off the mist.

So here I am...

How've ya been?

Dinner party

2010-04-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

The menu is set. The guests are invited. The date: this Friday.

Crap!

I have way too much to take care of before then!

But, it's going to be OK. The menu is manageable.

Want to hear it?

For pre-dinner snackage: pretzels, Junior Mints, Jujy Fruits, and salsa (with chips).

The dinner: A "Big" salad, a loaf of marble rye, Mulligatawny (an Indian curry soup), paella (with chorizo, shrimp and chicken).

Dessert: A cinnamon babka, black and white cookies, and mini-Snickers on forks.

So, if that's the menu, can you guess the theme?

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T18:22:00.000-07:00

Two pictures from our trip to Montreal last summer that scream Easter to me.

And two quotes....

"Easter is not a time for groping through dusty, musty tomes or tombs to disprove spontaneous generation or even to prove life eternal. It is a day to fan the ashes of dead hope, a day to banish doubts and seek the slopes where the sun is rising, to revel in the faith which transports us out of ourselves and the dead past into the vast and inviting unknown. ~Author unknown, as quoted in the Lewiston Tribune

And he departed from our sight that we might return to our heart, and there find Him. For He departed, and behold, He is here. ~St Augustine

Pizza Fridays

2010-04-02T11:06:00.000-07:00

I crave food traditions. You know -- we always eat pot roast on Sunday, or tacos on Tuesday, or leftovers on Saturday. Waffles on Sunday. You get the idea.

We didn't have any in my house growing up. I'd like Luke to have that.

But there are issues. First, I love to try new recipes and dishes. I have trouble committing to any recipe ever. But the bigger problem is that we only have dinner as a family of three on the weekend, and often then we have plans. So it's me and the little dude most nights. And as anyone who watches a toddler can tell you, it's hard to stay fast to plans when you're watching them solo.

But lately, my husband has had Fridays off. And so, "Pizza Fridays" was born.

Why pizza? Well, duh, it's cheese, it's dough, it's delish. I've been day-dreaming about making my own since I opened the fan-flipping-tastic Kitchen Aid stand mixer Santa brought me for Christmas. And with my desire to eat more whole grains, I've been scouting out recipes and advice for baking with whole wheat flours. Including pizza dough.

But it wasn't until I found this blog post that I felt like I knew what might turn the dense, heavy dough I'd been making into something that didn't taste like health food. That's where I learned about vital wheat gluten, which makes whole wheat flour less, well, dense and heavy. How, I don't know. I'm no molecular biologist. But it does seem to work.

After a few weeks of attempts -- including one in which my friend Aimee willingly scarfed down a totally cardboard-y pie with me, sorry Aimee -- I've fine-tuned to get to something I'm pretty happy with.

The base recipe is from that blog, bread-and-honey.blogspot.com. (BTW, that's a very cool food blog written by the kind of girl I always wish would be my friend but who would probably be too cool for me in real life.) Anyway, here's what you're working with.

1 cup of water
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup white flour
2 tbsp. vital wheat gluten
1 1/2 tbsp. honey
1 tsp. salt
1 packet of instant yeast
2 tbsp. olive oil

I use white whole wheat flour. It's less wheaty. But still somehow a "whole" grain. Don't ask me how these things work.

This time around, my other cup was actually white cake flour, which is finer than regular all-purpose. I would try all-purpose first.

A few things to note: pizza dough recipes tend to call for "barely warm" to "warm" water. I've had better results when going with standard warm, almost hot water. "Barely warm" doesn't cut it for me. I also like to run hot water over my mixing bowl for a minute or two to get that warm, too.

Add the water to the warmed bowl. Mix in the honey and olive oil. Then add the package of yeast. I let it sit about 10 minutes. I first did a minute or two thinking that was enough. No dice!

Sift together the flours and gluten in another bowl. Once the yeast is foamy, start adding the flour mixture to the bowl about one cup at a time. Stir on a low speed, using the hook attachment if you're using a KitchenAid, until it is wet. Then add more. Don't add too much at once! Keep adding slowly. You shouldn't need all of the flour mixture. You want it to come together but still be sticky and wet. Mixing should take a few minutes. You want to work it a bit.

With floured hands, transfer the dough to an oiled bowl.

To help it rise, I place the bowl on a wire rack over a pan of hot water. See?

It hasn't been warm out yet while I've baked, so this has helped but the atmosphere nice and humid.

I also cover it with a slightly damp (with warm water) dish towel. Whether you wet it or not, you want to cover it. And then let it rest for an hour.

Meanwhile, take photos of the nearest cutie who is pestering you as you cook.

Luke wants pizza in his belly!

After an hour, it should have doubled in size. Check it out. If it has, get ready for some fun, because you now get to punch that sucker down. Poooph! Good times.

Here's what it looks like after it doubles.

Once you've punched, let it sit for another 10 minutes. Meanwhile, heat your oven as hot as you can. Well, OK, maybe not that hot. Going up to 500 frightens me. But I did do 450 I think.

If you have a pizza stone, congratulate yourself. I do not. I need to get one. I've been going back and forth trying to figure out what is better -- to pre-bake my crust or not. This week I opted not to. I think next time, I'll pre-bake again. I just don't like a floppy crust. Perhaps it's personal preference. My husband liked it fine this way.

So anyway, where were we? Ah yes. Roll out the dough onto a floured surface. Stretch it out into a circle. I used a rolling pin, but I'm not sure that's the best thing for the dough.

Place it on your pan, and if you're going to pre-bake, I'd do five or six minutes. If not, just load it up with pizza sauce (I use the kind of Trader Joe's and add extra spices to it). Then cover with your cheese and toppings of choice. We did half plain mozzerella and the other half with cheese, green peppers and mushrooms.

Bake 12-15 minutes total.

Then congratulate yourself for being so amazing.

Mmmm.... Pizza Fridays. I like you.

Mid-fast

2010-03-31T11:04:00.000-07:00

My next-door neighbors moved out last weekend. I mentioned that in another post. I looked at their house last night and choked up a bit. Why? Well, it bums me out that Luke will no longer have a playmate right next door; their son was two months older. I know that we'll still get the boys together, but it won't be the same. It just won't be.

But it's more than just that. It's also more than the fact that they were incredibly nice, and that they always had whatever it was we needed to borrow (a really tall ladder, an extra set of hands to move a couch, lemon pepper, a single egg).

Part of why it is difficult for me to see them go is dealing with the unknown of who will move in.

I can't control that. I can't control if they will be equally nice, or whether they'll be close to us in age. I don't know that they'll take good care of the house, like our previous neighbors did. I don't know that they won't throw loud parties. I can't control if they have yippy dogs. Or an RV that they'll want to park in the front yard.

This is, I'm sure, the kind of swallow stuff everyone worries about when they get new neighbors. We hope they are nice, friendly, upstanding, all of that. But we also hope that their habits and lifestyle don't infringe on our own too badly.

Maybe some people worry about that less than others. As I walked around the block last night with Luke, for some reason, something dawned on me that hasn't in some time: on the scale of control freaks, I can rank fairly high.

It makes me anxious when I don't get to have my way. To choose my own path. To set the limits. To have the last word. I want to be in control not just of myself, but of the environment all around me.

I say all this now because it has more to do with my reaction to my neighbors leaving. It is likely also the root reason I have held off on once-a-quarter fast until today.

I don't like giving up control, even of what food I put into my mouth. Not to anyone -- including God.

To say this is standing in the way of my spiritual development is an understatement. It is THE reason I fail to grow. It is the wall standing between me and an authentic relationship with our creator. I just don't want to let anyone besides myself be in charge.

And so. I don't pray. Why pray about something, when I can just take care of it on my own? Even if I can't... I can try! And so. I haven't, until today, fasted.

I tried a few times. There was last week. Then yesterday, I tried again. I decided first of all, that coffee is OK. Because I don't want to give that part of control over to God. Then I thought I better take a vitamin. The problem with that is you're not supposed to take them on an empty stomach. And so within 15 minutes, I was nauseous. And cramming handfuls of cereal into my mouth. Fast, over.

Then came the light bulb last night: as I watched my son bang a long stick into a really tall tree, I thought, Damn, I can be such a control junkie. Was it because he'd strayed just one step off the sidewalk, breaking our walk rule? I don't know. I wish I had some crystal-clear moment to share. All I know is the thought came, and it stuck.

I know God is gracious. He gets me. He forgives me. I do love him. I do want to learn to depend on him. So today, I'm trying again.

So far, so good. I did have my coffee. Other than that, nothing but water. It's almost 2 p.m., and I'm famished. Dizzy, too. It's been a long time since I've felt real hunger. This is probably not even it.

A phrase I read in Richard Foster's book The Celebration of Discipline keeps running through my mind. It was something like, "The stomach is like a spoiled brat. You can't give in to it whenever it wants something." I keep daydreaming of food, especially now that I'm at home. It's hard not to give and go raid the pantry.

But if my stomach is a spoiled brat, it's because I am one, too. The bossy kind, who thinks she knows it all and should be in charge.

In total control.

It's just an 18-hour-fast.

But it feels like I'm opening up my hands a little, palms facing figuratively up to the sky. Give it to God.

Today, I'm trying to let someone else be in charge.

Wordless Wednesday, 3/31

2010-03-31T04:34:00.000-07:00

Our new favorite game is putting as many trucks down the shirt as possible. You can only imagine the fun.

Wearing pink

2010-03-30T04:55:00.000-07:00

Um, guess what?

I'm still scrambling to catch up. I did write my hand-written letter last night. It's going to my friend who is about to have a baby. It's fill with all sorts of unsolicited advice.

Robert wanted to deliver it herself, but I worry she won't understand the freeway interchanges.

Last night, in perfect timing, I picked up my order of nifty gifties from my friend Mary, who is a Thirty-One consultant.

In my order was a sheet of address labels. They look so perfect on my letter, which by the way, is written on an owl card. Naturally.

Here are the cards... They're designed by Jilly Phillips for British stationary company Paperchase.

Cute, eh?

And look how the address labels just add that finishing touch. Like I said, perfect timing!

You know what else is perfect timing?

I still need to do a Random Act of Kindness. And today happens to be Wear Pink for Cora day.

Cora was a sweet little baby who died when she was only five days old of an undiagnosed congenital heart defect. One moment, she was nursing happily in her mother's arms. The next, she was gone. Just like that.

Can you imagine?

Five days old. Here you are with your baby, who seems fine. You're holding her. She's a little lethargic, but she's a newborn. You're not expecting cartwheels. The next thing you know, you look down. She's got blood trickling out of her mouth. Can you imagine the shock and horror you'd feel?

I've been following her mother Kristine's story through Twitter, Facebook and her blog, Cora's story, since shortly after this tragic death happened in early December.

Today would have been Cora's four-month birthday. So Kristine, who is doing a knockout job of keeping her daughter's legacy alive and advancing the cause of CHD awareness, is asking people to wear pink today, Cora's favorite color. And to do something kind in her memory.

I'm game.

Littlle black (sad) dress

2010-03-29T05:12:00.000-07:00

One of my dear BFFs is getting married in October. I'm immensely happy for her. She's awesome. He's awesome. They're gonna be great.

I'm standing up in her wedding as the Matron of Honor.

I joke that this means I am to do my very best to look the part -- frumpy and you know, matronly.

She asked each bridesmaid to buy herself a little black dress. Any designer, any style will do. We get to pick whatever we love and feel amazing in, as long as it's a certain length and black. A very cool bridesmaid assignment.

The only pitfall with it is now I'm charged with finding said dress. It's not that I don't enjoy the shopping and the buying. Oh no. I enjoy those greatly. But finding the time isn't always easy with my sweet little two-feet-tall companion.

I also have a bad habit of buying things without putting the adequate amount of thought into them. Queen of the impulse buy. The buy-it-because-it's-on-sale. Because-it-looks-good-on-the-hanger, sure-it'll-look-good-on-me. The buy it because I'm in a hurry and leaving empty-handed just feels so wrong.

So I was at Nordstrom's last week, and I tried on six dresses, and they were all nice. And so I couldn't leave without one, right?

I mean, the wedding is only..... seven months away.

Sheesh.

And so I bought a dress. It's twirly. Meaning, the skirt is flippy and spinny. That's nice. It also features an interesting collar detail. Other than that.... I'm starting to think I goofed. That it's sort of a sad dress. While parts of it are flattering on me, it is a little frumpy from the chest to the waist. There's nothing to cinch it in.

What do you think? Sad?

I can do better, right?

Not so good

2010-03-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

Life has made blogging tres difficile this past week.

It's made sticking to stated goals, a la 20 Little Things, a bit dicey, too.

Let's see. There was work. There was Jazzercise. There was crafting an email containing my best story ideas ever to a certain magazine.

There was fretting about all of the above.

There was a certain degree of laziness. And tiredness. I've been feeling really tired lately.So, yes, there was at least one nap.

There was NCAA basketball to watch. Go STATE! And a weird technical issue at work that messed with my schedule.

There was some sadness that my wonderful next-door neighbors were moving out. Sigh. No more wagon rides for two little buddies. No more knowing just who to ask if we need someone to water our flowers when we go out of town. No more nice conversations in the front yard.

Oh, and there was an Easter egg hunt. Must not forget the cutest part of my week of lazy.

Lost in the wreckage of the week, besides a few planned blog posts, were Random Act of Kindness Day, as well as my plan to fast.

On Tuesday, I sort of meant to fast. That's the problem -- my commitment was so half-hearted.

The funny thing is, life made eating difficult that day. I hate to be like, it was God messing with me!, because aw, I don't know. But first I ran out of time for breakfast at home. So on the way to work, I pulled into the doughnut place before I realized I had no cash. That's all they take. So I got back on the road and saw my bank had a branch on the next corner. I pulled in. Through the exit. So then I had to turn myself around like a big weirdo, all the while wondering if the bank had me on camera and would put my license plate in some "suspicious activity" file. Also I was thinking, "Is this really worth it for a damn glazed cinnamon bun?"

I guess it was, because I got the bun. Then lunch came. I decided since I hadn't fasted at breakfast, there was no point at lunch. So I began to walk up to the cafeteria, when low and behold, I saw my wallet was missing. Duh. D'oh! I left it in my car. A trek out to the parking lot a block away later, and 15 minutes later, I was back at my desk, enjoying my salad. (Of course, eating a salad for lunch makes up for eating a doughnut for breakfast, don't cha know.) Halfway in, my plastic fork broke, mid-spear. I had to finish the rest of the damn thing with a mini fork. And with my fingers.

So can you see why I started to wonder if I really was supposed to fast that day?

I know have only a few days left until April to complete that, as well as write a had-written letter, call my brothers, do my random act of kindness, and go to breakfast with friends. Also, newsflash: the dinner party that's on my list? It's happening in less than two weeks, and I don't have invites out or a menu planned. Also, I've way behind on my book reading, my water drinking has tapered off in a major way, I have yet to set aside 30 minutes for prayer in one week, I haven't taken a video of Luke on our real camera yet in 2010, Jazzercise was totally replaced running and if I've going to grow my own herbs, I need to get going with that now that it is spring!

Damn it!

I hate feeling like I'm so off track. So. My plan for today: I'm going to drink water until my pee runneth clear. I'll see if any friends can have breakfast tomorrow. I will make my menu for the dinner party. I'll write my letter. I will call my brothers. And I will say it now, for the record, that it's official: I will fast on Tuesday. And I'll pray for 15 minutes after Luke goes to bed.

I mean it.

Really.

I'll do it all. Right after a little more NCAA basketball...

Wordless Wednesday, 3/24

2010-03-24T05:11:00.000-07:00

My husband found this Michigan-shaped mini-pita while snacking at work, and he brought it home to show me. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Random Monday quick hits....

2010-03-22T04:54:00.000-07:00

It's 7:42 a.m., and I'm proud to report that I've been home from my workout for more than an house. Jazzercise, 5:30 a.m. I went once last week. I hope to go at least twice this week.
I have an idea for Random Act of Kindness Day, which is coming up on Thursday. It involves Cadbury Cream Eggs. I apparently don't know how to do something kind without fattening people up. We'll see if I stick to this idea or figure out something better in the coming days.
I made one of my 20 Little Things to fast once per quarter. Well, guess what? Quarter one is just about up. A week or so to go. Which means I'm going to be doing a one-day fast in the coming days. I'm considering doing it tomorrow. That means eating dinner tonight and then no food again until dinner Tuesday. I worry a bit though that I'm not "prepared." But I don't know, maybe that's missing the point. Part of me feels like I should go on a mini-fast to prepare for my fast. Or at least eat, like, mostly fruit today.
MSU is in the Sweet Sixteen! One of the best buzzer beaters I've ever seen from the Spartans. Shots like that never seem to fall for them. I have doubts they can go much further without Kalin Lucas. But still very cool to see them back in the Sweet Sixteen. Where they belong. :)
I rearranged my family room yesterday, and I am so wishing I'd done this, oh, three years ago. Now we need to get two new armchairs, and that room will finally be a comfortable place. Yay!
And finally, I never take photos of my cat anymore. Luke eats up most of my camera attention. But the other day she was curled up in the sun, and I took a few photos for old-time sake. Enjoy, and enjoy your Monday, too!

Baby burrito

2010-03-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

When Luke was in the hospital, the nurses had this enviable technique when it came to swaddling. I still don't know just how they did it, but once that baby was wrapped, he was WRAPPED. Lights out.

Baby burrito in the NICU, three days old.

When we got home and tried to swaddled Luke, we realized just how amazing their skills were. For us, he was so strong, he'd just pop his little arms out in a matter of seconds, and the entire blanket would open up. Swaddle fail. Try as we did to replicate the magic of those nurses, we just couldn't figure out the secret.

Swaddle fail.

So when I saw a tutorial on Prudent Baby for a DIY Swaddle Blanket, I thought suuuh-weet! Not for myself, mind you, as my 20-month-old bundle of energy is surely not going to let himself be contained by a mere blanket. But I do have, let's not forget, 10 pregnant friends. That's right, 10. I think we were at nine at last count, but then I saw my neighbor last week, who proceeded to gush about his "fat" pregnant wife. So, there you have it. 10.

Prudent Baby is like a godsend for me, because the tutorials are easy to follow, even for a true beginner like me. They feature lots of photos and clear instructions. I really need almost beyond clear instructions. Every little thing I do on my sewing machine, I wonder if there are tips that would make my end result look less sloppy. Maybe that just comes with time, I don't know. But there's no doubt about it: I don't really know what I'm doing. Somehow, though, with the tutorials on Prudent Baby, I feel confident to attempt a project like this.

And I think it turned out pretty well.

Even Luke can't get baby Teddy free!

This bear sings and lights up. I thought maybe the swaddle blanket would get it to shut up for once. Success!

I know there are so many more fabulous places to buy fabric than JoAnn's, but I do think you can find cute prints there if you really search. Both are flannel, although the flower print felt almost like cotton that when I got it home, I started to doubt whether it was the right material for the project. The yellow is indeed flannel, but it stretches, which began a problem. I didn't realize it at first, and I've never used my stretch stitches. So I trucked on with the normal stitches. And who the hell knows if that's a big issue or not.

Now, which baby should get this masterpiece? I only know the sex of one of the 10, and it is indeed a girl. But she's been showered with presents already. So I suppose this will go to the next one who is smart enough to find out the sex first and is having a girl.

Unless I can't get Robert to give it up, of course. She likey.

Something nice happened

2010-03-20T05:20:00.000-07:00

So something happened to me this week. I got an email.

It was from a major, big-time women's magazine. Like, one you have most certainly heard of, and most likely read. They saw something I wrote, and thought I would be a good fit to write for them.

Really.

Does that really happen? I waver between believing it and not. I have trouble believing this magazine does not have the best writers in the country knocking down its doors, that they need to go reach out to people like me. But the email had the editor's name, her address (New York, naturally), a phone number. It looked legit. It mentioned my article. She said they're trying to find new talent and new stories from different parts of the country. Which could explain why she'd seek me out here in Detroit.

But still. Really??

Two years ago, when I was pregnant and scared I'd have to quit my job, and we'd go broke and lose our house and everything we owned and our kid would have to wear hand-me-down diapers, back then I looked into freelancing quite a bit. I looked at this particular magazine. I even started writing an article proposal and was almost finished with it, when in my research I discovered that very magazine had run a similar story a year before. I'd thought my idea was really unique. I felt so deflated to find out it wasn't. Freelancing seemed like the most impossible thing in the world. So many writers out there telling so many stories. How can one voice stand out, start out, find something new to say? I worried I'd never find the kind of material that editors would really want. I'd never make it.

And now I am so scared the same thing will happen -- I won't be able to come up with stories that really interest them, that fit what they're looking for, that are fresh and new. The word that comes to mind is squander. I'm worried I'll squander the chance, an opportunity that I never imagined I'd be given.

I know that as nice as it was to realize they want me to (maybe) write for them, that won't compare to actually getting something published. I need to get something published. Not for the paycheck (although that will be nice) but because it's something I've wanted for about 10 years. And of course, it would knock off a 20 Little Thing (write something not for work) in a fabulous way.

So, I need to come up with my story ideas. If you know of a good one, you just be a peach and let me know, mmkay?

Shooting the moon

2010-03-18T18:33:00.000-07:00

We walked downtown and looked at motorcycles, hipsters with ugly dogs, a couple walking so slowly arm-in-arm that I wondered whether someone they knew died. Luke waved to a tow truck driving by and an ambulance that honked its way down Main Street. We both waved to cute passing babies.

His hair needs to be cut, and it lifted and flapped in the wind.

I wasn't wearing a jacket. Or socks.

Winter is over, and things have changed. New stores have sprouted in downtown. It looked like the entire place had a fresh coat of paint.

We picked up dinner, walked home. Ate and went back outside, wasting as little time as possible. We walked to a field next to the train tracks and waited for the Amtrak to go rumbling by. We waved again. Then watched as the trains tail lights floated into the trees.

On the way back, Luke spotted airplanes and pointed, leaning his head back as far as he could. Then he caught sight of the moon, just a thin sliver tonight. "Moooooon," he said. I didn't know he knew that word. "Yes, I said," that's the moon. See how high up it is?" I set him in the front yard, and he strained onto his tiptoes to point. "Moooooon! Moon, moon, moon!" Two teenage girls walked by, on their way to the tennis court. Luke looked at them and puffed out his little chest and yelled, "MOOOOON! Moon, moon, moon!"

The light was fading. We had to go inside soon. But for a moment, I just stood there and reveled in a happiness that's only possible on a beautiful evening, when your child is small and so enamored with a celestial body he's willing to dance in the front yard yelling its name, straining on his tip-toes, trying to pull it straight out of the sky.

I woke up EIGHT times last night!

2010-03-13T05:28:00.000-08:00

I passed by the field of a sluggard,
by the vineyard of a man lacking sense,
and behold, it was all overgrown with thorns;
the ground was covered with nettles,
and its stone wall was broken down.
Then I saw and considered it;
I looked and received instruction.
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest,
and poverty will come upon you like a robber,
and want like an armed man.

—Proverbs 24:30-34

I'm wearing a FitBit for the next week to track my every waking move. Specifically, it will track my calories burned, the number of steps I take and miles I walk, and my sleep patterns. I started wearing it yesterday, and it's already been pretty revelatory. Because of FitBit, I know I woke up eight times last night, that I got in bed at midnight and that it took me 14 minutes to fall asleep. I also know I've somehow burned 500 calories today just sitting on my bum reading the internet. (I sort of want an explanation for that one -- having trouble buying it.)

But I'm excited to wear this thing throughout the week as I try several different forms of fitness. I plan to wear it running, to a Jazzercise class, doing some exercise DVDs, and possible in a yoga class or other fitness class. I'll be writing about it for that work place in a couple of weeks, so I don't want the article to be all about how I burned so many calories sitting on my bum reading blogs, ya know? So if anything is going to get my workouts back on track, I think this could be it.

And by the way? My workouts are way way off track. I'm just out of the habit completely. I blame... winter. Is that fair? Whatever, I still blame it! I was just too down for a lot of it to drag myself out of bed. I was a sluggard of the highest order. Dragging my feet, fog in my head, dreariness personified. I shook it off here and there, but never completely. I let myself go, as they say. Let the walls crumble around me, as I laid back and took a nice rest.

Did I turn to God and pray about my general malaise, to ask for strength? No, sure didn't. And it just kept on.

I don't want to beat myself up here. Did I stick to my goals? No. I am disappointed about that. But I'm not superwoman. It's OK to struggle at times. It's normal.

But I do want to do better for myself, including working out regularly. Spring will help. And so will this little FitBit! Sluggard, be gone!

Finding your purpose

2010-03-11T04:24:00.000-08:00

Do you ever think, "What's my purpose?"

I'm not talking in the big, grand, why-am-I-here-on-this-planet way of thinking. Although I suppose that's a good thing to know, too.

No, I'm thinking more like, "What's my purpose for this day?" Or for this hour? Or even, for the next 10 minutes?

It's really not something I think about very often. Usually, I have a buzz in my mind, a jumbled hornet's nest of all my thoughts about things I need to get done. They toss and turn up there, and then, depending on how I'm feeling, what I see, what someone says to me, or any number of other random factors, I decide what to do next. It might be the thing I really need to get done. Or it might not be.

Often that thing I do next is try to escape the buzz. I jump online and browse mindlessly. I flick on the TV. I sit and stare at the walls, humming and rocking back and forth.

OK, it's not that bad. But it has dawned on me lately that I might feel better -- more organized, more efficient, more badass -- if I knew what the heck my purpose was. If I took one minute to think about what I truly want to accomplish each morning, or in the evening before I go to bed for the next day. Or when I get home from work.

Sometimes my purpose should be to relax and unwind for 10 minutes. But I think those 10 minutes will be more satisfying if I know they're truly the best use of my time at that moment.

I am a list lover -- this blog is example of that. So why am I not doing this? Why am I not getting buzz out of my head, and onto paper, where I can evaluate it and come to discover my purpose?

I'm going to try to do better. I'm having trouble sticking to many of these "20 little things" and I think it's this mental discord. They're all swimming up in my head with a label of eventually or later. I need to take a few minutes out of my life, multiple times a day, to assign myself my purpose, including remember to live those 20 little things.

So here's my plan: carry a notebook where I write down what my purpose is for the day. I plan to check in with myself in the morning, at lunch, when I get home from work, and before bed. More if needed. I also want to make it a mental habit, a common instant where I pause as things get hectic and ask myself, What is my purpose now, truly? I don't always need to write it down, but I think that will help.

How do you find your purpose? Do you just wander through your days like me, doing what seems to make sense in the moment? Do you take time to think about what it is you truly want to or need to accomplish in the next five minutes, five hours, five days? Please share with me!

Wordless Wednesday, 3/10

2010-03-10T04:12:00.000-08:00

A post bath, two-bear hug.

Sad day

2010-03-09T18:10:00.000-08:00

Little Layla Grace died today.

I'm really glad her suffering is over. I'm also so heartbroken for her parents. I can't imagine the hell they've been through watching their daughter die like that. And all the while knowing that those terrible moments were the last they'd have with her. How terrible.

I don't know what else to say about that. I'm sad.

Sniff, sniif!

Rest in peace beautiful little Layla...

You can read Layla's story at Laylagrace.org (a bit overloaded at the moment) or on Twitter at @laylagrace.

Why blog?

2010-03-08T18:24:00.000-08:00

Last I counted, there are about a zillion and four blogs out there.

Wait... there's three more!

And another!

Sigh. I can't keep up.

Glance around the blogosphere, and it makes you start to think. Why bother throwing your voice out into such a vast, over-saturated sea of virtual humanity? Why try?

Especially when you're just another average 20 or 30-something mom, wife, Christian, crafter, writer, baker. There are so many others just like me, who seem to have it all figured out. I can easily get jealous of them for their engagement with readers -- look, she had 12 comments on her post! -- or simply because they have a killer voice, one that just sings through the screen and socks me right in the heart.

You start to question yourself, like what am I adding to the picture here? What makes me think anyone gives a flying you-know-what about what I have to say or what my life is like?

That's a great point, really.

I can accept that no one cares, and that's because despite all this junk I'm talking, I know that it's all OK. Whatever. It's OK. I am OK that I don't get comments or traffic (which really, I don't know how to track, but I assume). I don't have a "button." Or a giveaway corner. Or a sponsorship deal. I don't go to blogging conferences. I Twitter, but only a tad. I comment on other blogs, but only because I really feel like it. I don't belong to little blogging circles. I don't really know how to market my blog or to make myself into a "personal brand" or how to attract attention, really, of any kind. I am a blogging-101 flunkee, basically.

There's a tiny part of my brain that believes all of that matters, that I need some sort of validation to keep writing here. The part of me that asks, "If no one is reading, who are you writing for, and why do you care?"

The bigger part of my brain has the answer that satisfies me. I write for me. I blog for me. I do it because it's nice to have a space to let some of the junk out of my mind, to release it and to attempt to do so in a creative, or at least cohesive, way. I also do so because I truly love having a record of my days, something to look back on, that will help me remember. My memory is flimsy at best, so that matters.

I have to be OK -- and like I said, I mostly am -- with that. With writing for me. With ignoring the rest of the blogging world and what it says I need to do to be successful. My philsosophy is going to be that I'll do only things I want to, because they make me happy, and that that alone is a form of success worth striving toward.

So that's why I had to write this post:: to get these thoughts out where I can see them. Because it helps me. It reminds me of what I believe, and why I'm here. That's why I blog.

Book number three...

2010-03-07T13:30:00.000-08:00

Last week I finished my third book of the year, which means, technically, I'm behind. But in any case, I'm reading a little everyday, so that's good. Lately, it's been bits and pieces of books, so I haven't finished much. But I did complete The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society. Approximately everyone I know recommended it to me, and I kept seeing it everywhere, and so finally I decided I might as well figure out what everyone was talking about.

It arrived via Paperbackswap, and I moved it to the front of the list because I wanted a novel to balance all the non-fiction bits and pieces I've been reading. I was also intrigued it's format -- it's written completely in letters. That seemed less intimidating than a classic novel. It's easy to see a big fat novel and feel overwhelmed with the thought of finishing it. I'm a mom, I work full-time, I volunteer, I try to workout, I try to take care of the house and have everyone fed... Yadda yadda, you've heard it all before. I want to add reading consistently into that line-up, too, and something about a book written in bite-sized chunks of letters worked for me, mentally.

And it was a delightful read. As delightful as a book set immediately after the Holocaust can be. The main character is Juliet, a writer for a newspaper whose book of columns is met with some unexpected success and fame. She's anxious to follow it up and find her next project, when one falls into her lap. An unexpected letter makes it her way from Guernsey, an island in the Channel Islands, which was under German occupation during the war. As Juliet begins to correspond with this person, she begins to peel back the layers of a remarkable story of how one group of friends and family survived during the occupation, partially by staying sane through reading and meeting to talk about books. Life on the island was hell --- the mothers sent all their children away, because it was thought to be the safer thing. The Germans controlled everything from where the people could be, to what they could eat, to what they could grow. One wrong step, and they'd ship you to a concentration camp. It was that atmosphere that made reading more important than ever, allowing people to escape, to stretch their minds, and to experience beauty. The Germans couldn't take that away.

There's a love story, too, as Juliet is single and upwardly mobile and attracts some attention from society-type men. At first, she seems happy to explore a relationship that's perfect on paper with a businessman who is used to getting what he wants. But slowly, especially after she travels there, the Guernsey Island chips into her soul. The down-to-earth people, the salty air, the shared appreciation for reading, and especially, a young girl orphaned by the war -- they all fight for space in Julia's heart. All of this is conveyed through letters between Julia and her editor, her best friend, and the islanders. It might seem gimmicky, but I didn't mind that gimmick at all. It made me yearn for the days when writing letters was the norm, and when communications were intimate, private, and sacred.

I had no complaints. There was some predictability in the story, but that's OK... It wasn't so much predictable as it was easy to sense what was right for Julia and to wait for her to make the realization herself. You saw what should happen and rooted for it. I like that in a book.

Only 22 to go!

Bibs and burpclothes

2010-03-06T04:52:00.000-08:00

Excuse me, did I say in a previous blog post that I have eight pregnant friends?

Sorry, my mistake.

Make it NINE.

Sheesh! There is something going around, and please, I don't want to catch it quiiiiiiite yet. OK, body? Let's wait at least a few months more. Good? Deal.

In the meantime, I've started creating some baby crafts to give for gifts all year. With my first baby shower looming today, I started this week with bibs and burpclothes.

For the burpclothes, I used one I like as a pattern. For the bibs, I used a pattern I printed online from a site here.

The fabric in this case came from Jo-Ann's. Cotton (on sale!) for the front and terry cloth (coupon!) for the back, just like the other bib I made.

The finishing detail was the bias tape, and it makes a big difference in the final look. I had no idea how to use it but found a great tutorial video (and hilarious, PS) at this great site, Angry Chicken. Without her video, I would have been lost.

The pattern for the bib seemed really large, and I liked that, but the bib ended up being pretty normal sized. And actually, the two sides don't really meet in the back the way they should. I know that's my fault, because I'm still learning how to sew well. I am more of a big picture than detail sort of girl, and the details matter when it comes to something like sewing. It's easy for the project to look sloppy if you aren't making straight lines and doing everything just so. I'm working on that.

So just don't look too closely. Otherwise, they're cute, eh?

Now I have about three hours to wrap the present, buy a card, eat breakfast, feed the boy, guzzle coffee, shower, primp and preen, and get my booty to Ann Arbor for the shower! And... GO!

What's going on?

2010-03-05T12:11:00.000-08:00

I wrote this nice, lengthy letter on Sunday, just sneaking in my one-handwritten-letter-per-month. It's to Grandma, who lives down in Florida.

I didn't mail it Monday, because I was having some pictures printed to send along with it.

I picked up the pictures on Tuesday. But I didn't put the letter in the mail that evening.

Or on Wednesday.

And on Thursday, I get a call at work from my husband, who had heard from his parents that Grandma had a stroke.

I don't know much about how she's doing besides that she can walk with a limp, she's talking and she's going home this weekend. So I think you could classify the stroke as "mild." But I feel so terrible anyway. She's all alone down there, at least in terms of family. I hope she's OK.

I wish I'd sent my letter earlier. Now I think I might not send it at all... It's weird to send it now knowing what's going on with her, right? I think so.

Wordless Wednesday -- Four little bears

2010-03-03T05:39:00.000-08:00

Come on feel the craftiness

2010-02-28T19:57:00.000-08:00

When I get a new interest in my life, I tend to become obsessed. I don't jump into many new things without becoming absolutely drenched in them. I want to read everything I can find about them, I want to practice whatever the new passion is, I want to talk about it, think about it, live it and breath it. Whether it's cooking or writing or running or photography or triathlons... I go in whole-heartedly. At first. Sometimes I then revert into a 12-year-old kid who SWORE he wanted a guitar, who plays it for about three weeks and then decides he DEFINITELY wants to go to art school. The obsession might die off in a matter of weeks or months. Sometimes years. Some passions, though, do stick around, albeit in less frenzied versions.

I'm in my first flush with sewing. It's impossible to know how long it will last. In the beginning, it always feels like forever. So take this with a grain of salt: I'm really enjoying this.

First I practiced making... pockets. Little bits of fabric that I sewed together like pockets without any pants. Listen, they sound ridiculous. I know. But they're actually cute. And I'm using them! I stuffed a little notebook and a book of prayers and a pen in one and just like that, it's a... prayer pocket. Look, I don't know what it is, but it was my first attempt at sewing. I hand sewed two of these pockets before I bought my sewing machine.

I purchased a Singer Esteem III. It's cute and mobile. I have absolutely no knowledge about sewing machines and nothing to compare it to, but whatever. I like it. The only thing I don't like about it is the fact that it was obviously purchased before and returned. How do I know this? Well, the instruction manual is filled with writing, with the Spanish sections crossed out. Um, hello, Target! Might want to looksie at the manual before you package it back up as if it is brand new and fool me into forking over my money for what I think is a new machine.

Also, it took me about four hours to locate the little baggie of accessories that come with the machine. Why? Because instead of coming in a nice vacuum-sealed package set carefully in the box, they were tucked into a mysterious drawer on the machine itself. My friend tells me this is where they always are, and I suppose it does say ACCESSORIES DRAWER right on the front of it but I don't know, I still blame that woman who returned it before me.

Once I located all the pieces and got to work, and once my friend Jen (who wants everyone to know she isn't skinny, even though she IS (and who will probably be mortified at this because she's such an I)) came over to show me a few things, like the fact that I don't need to press the pedal so hard that it ZOOMS out of control fast... I got to crafting.

I made two pillow covers for some old throw pillows. Here's one...

Fabric from Arts and Scraps! Meaning that in materials, this cost me about $1, if that.

I then moved on to something I've been really itching to make. A "softie" stuffed animal. I've had this book in my house for months, just staring me down, telling me to just buy a sewing machine already so I could make cute little animals for my EIGHT pregnant friends.

And so I did. My first try was a cute little beetle.

It turned out pretty well. I bought some thicker thread today, which would have helped to make the face features stand out more.All the fabrics were from Arts and Scraps. It was hard to find scraps that seemed to go together and that were the right material, but I think in the end it worked out to be cute.

Now today, I caved, and went and bought a heap of fabric. It was on sale! And I had a coupon!

And as I mentioned earlier, I have EIGHT pregnant friends. That is a lot of baby shower gifts.

I really hope none of them read my blog, and I'm pretty sure they don't. Is so STOP READING!

Because I want you to be surprised when you open a cute homemade bib from me! Here's my first attempt, which will go to Luke.

It was hard to get a good photo of the fabric, which features tons of little robots. The back is made with terry cloth perfect for wiping messy faces and hands when meal-time is over. I need to add a snap or some velcro as a closure, and then it'll be done. I think I'll be making a lot of these bibs!

As long as the sewing bug lasts anyway.

And lookie here! Although I have no plans to stop crafting, one item from my list is officially crossed off!

Orange you glad you know me?

2010-02-26T12:18:00.000-08:00

OK, that was lame.

A few things.

First of all... I don't feel much like talking about any of this, or doing anything productive, or being a contributing member of society in any meaningful way right now. I'm a little bit obsessively following the story of one Layla Grace, a 2-year-old who is on death's doorstep with cancer. I've only been following her story for the last two or three days. So let me say, I cannot explain to you why it has me so emotional. I've been crying on and off for the last two days for this child. Here I go again... but just the thought of the pain that mother feels... and to read how strong she seems in all her writings... I just feel sick. Also, it's probably PMS. But really, I feel sick with sadness. It's heartbreaking.

You can become a sad and obsessed follower of this story yourself by reading her blog at www.laylagrace.org or her twitter feed at @laylagrace.

There's no good way to transition from that talk about real life and death matters to what's going to follow: a story about an orange.

It's not even a very compelling story. But here goes.

Thursday was Random Act of Kindness Day. I had no idea what I was going to do. But in the morning, I went and had my finger-prints taken for the Detroit Reading Corps. The parking lot at the building was the kind with a gate, a ticket and a bored attendant. I struck me as I was pulling in: when I left, I could pay for the car behind me! But then when the time came, a) I didn't know how much that would be, as the price depends on how long you stayed, and b) I was slightly concerned that the booth attendant would just keep the money since there was no car actually behind me in line.

I know. I'm judgmental.

But I never had the chance anyways. Right off the bat, she tells me that they won't take $20 bills, which was all I had. In fact, I'd just gone to the ATM in the building and paid a $3 fee to take that money out after seeing a sign on the way in stating they also don't take credit or debit. It said nothing about $20s. My only solution was to re-park and go back inside to buy something so I'd have smaller bills.

Let me say, I did not look at this like, oh, YIPPEE, just what I wanted to do when this whole process has already taken way longer than I'd planned! No. I was just a tad more grumpy with that, thinking things like, "Really, parking lot booth, you don't take 20s? Or debit cards. REALLY?"

But then I realized that maybe this was my chance. I went into the little deli/convenience store and grabbed an orange. At that point, I wanted it for myself. I usually eat one at work each day, but I'd forgotten to bring one. But on my way out I felt like I was supposed to offer it to the attendant.

Here's what I thought as I drove up: She's going to think I'm crazy. She's going to think I'm pitying her, that I think she is a poor single teenage mother on welfare who needs a free handout. She is going to think I poisoned the orange.

Aren't our brains stupid?

So what happened? I said in a totally-I'm-not-pitying-you way, "Would you like an orange?" To which she said, "Sure. Thank you." She took the orange, set it down, and then said, "Would you like a receipt?" I waited for it, and then the gate rose, and she finally made eye-contact with me and smiled just the teensy-tiniest smile. Her lips barely moved. But I saw it as she said, "Have a nice day."

Anyway, I know it's kind of lame. An orange. What kind of act of kindness is that? Probably true. It didn't feel like much.

I hope it felt like a little bit more than that to her.

Wordless Wednesday, take one!

2010-02-24T15:33:00.000-08:00

Hello, I have lead in me! Aren't I cute!

(Oh crap. I'm not supposed to write "words" am I?)

Your ideas please

2010-02-24T14:34:00.000-08:00

Oh, crap!

I mean... oh yea!

Tomorrow, according to the alert my Google Calendar just sent me is Random Act of Kindness Day. Second official.

Should it be that hard to think of something to do? No.

I could.... let someone ahead of me who needs to merge on the highway? I could put a candybar in someone's box at work. I could send my parents flowers. I could shovel someone's driveway.

But see I list that stuff and then my mind goes through all the reasons those ideas are no good. The first, I usually do anyway. The second, well, we all know high-fructose corn syrup is evil, and what if they gave up chocolate for Lent, and what if they start to think they have a weird inter-office stalker or something? The third is sooo been done. I mean, I did it last month. The last... well if someone I didn't know was suddenly shoveling my driveway, I think I'd be just a little bit frightened (like... who IS that?!?). Plus there's the issue of Luke.

This shows you how my mind works. It rationalizes all the joy out of ideas before they ever bloom.

So, give me some of YOUR ideas to trash!

Won't you?

I need help!

Running running running

2010-02-23T18:26:00.000-08:00

That's what Luke says to himself as he runs around our house: "Running, running, running!" Often to a soundtrack of me saying in my sing-song voice, "Luke is running! He's running!" He loves this. He will circle in and out of rooms, and then throw himself on the ground (why? because he's a little boy I suppose) and then he'll get up and keep going. Running, running, running.

Well, guess what? Mama's been running, running, running, too.

OK, only once. Just running. On Sunday, it was almost 40 degrees out, which is reason enough for celebration in Michigan in mid-February. Can I just stop to tell you I HATE February? February is the month two boyfriends dumped me, the month Jimmy and I had our biggest fight, the month a friend of mine died and the month I found out Luke had his heart defects. Throw in the fact that I'm pretty sure I get depressed each and every winter, and yes, it's certain: February blows big time.

It's an easy month to get derailed for things like accomplishing "20 little things." And I'm certainly derailed in some sense. There are a lot of areas I'm not keeping up. But I've just got to be OK with that, and I've just got to wait for days like Sunday.

Ah, yes, back to balmy beautiful Sunday.

For the first time in months, everything aligned. The weather was right, I felt healthy, my husband was around, there wasn't else much that needed urgent attention. I laced up my shoes, dug out the old running clothes and took off. By the first half-mile, I felt the familiar jiggle of every fat molecule -- the ones that had been so desperately clinging to the nooks and crannies all over my body -- spring loose. This is normal. At least in my experience. There is nothing that makes you as aware of how chubby you are like a good run. Another half a mile, and another familiar feeling: the burn of lungs that haven't reaaaallly had much going on in weeks, suddenly huffing and puffing to keep up.

I love that feeling. It's like, hey, wake up body! I'm alive, and I'm running! Get with the program!

At least, for a few minutes I love it. Another half a mile or so, and I had to walk a bit. From there to the end, two and a half miles total, I alternated. But mostly, I ran.

It was just 30 minutes, but I have that back-on-the-horse feeling. I think I'll be going running running running again next weekend.

Hey, it counts!

2010-02-21T06:43:00.000-08:00

So technically, I had breakfast out with friends on Saturday. The key word being "I." They, my two lovely friends Kelly and Jen, just had coffee, those skinny bitches. I had a gingerbread waffle with apples and cinnamon. We sat in a massive booth. We talked about Kelly's upcoming wedding and sewing machines. So I ate and they didn't, but this counts for me as my monthly breakfast out with friends!

After breakfast, I went back to Jen's apartment after picking up Luke and my bag-o-fabric. We had a sewing summit, in which we did not even complete one stitch. Too busy gabbing about everything in our lives. Then we made a delicious whole wheat pizza. It was divine.

Later, I crumbled and bought a sewing machine. Let the crafting commence!

Luke and Jimmy are dancing in the family room right now to Robert Randolph's "I Need More Love."

The sun is shining.

I've had two cups of coffee.

I love the weekend.

Do something service related once a month

2010-02-19T05:00:00.000-08:00

Why it's on the list: Because once in college, I wrote a column about how my alternative Spring Break sucked because I thought it would be more life-changing and eye opening and really I just say in a room and stuffed envelopes. Like, seriously, couldn't the homeless people I served soup to have been a little more inspiring? Couldn't I have left feeling like more of a saint and less like someone who probably made a bad decision for what to do on Spring Break. Yeah, I am a little less than a cheerful servant. I've improved since then, but I'm still not a natural. Beyond that, it's good for the soul, yadda yadda yadda.

How I'll do it: It's going to turn out to be fairly easy. For once thing, all my work for It's My Heart (I'm an officer and board member, doesn't that sound impressive?) is voluntary, and I consider it a type of service. Right? I really am glad to be spreading CHD awareness, but still, it's serving. Secondly, I signed up to serve in the nursery at church once a month, my first step into the community at my new church (and I'm having a little bit of cold feet, but that's OK). And finally, I've also signed up to be a tutor in the Detroit Reading corps. Starting next month, I will be working one hour a week with two preschoolers, teaching them how to identify letters and appreciate great works of literature like "Mary Had a Little Lamb."

So I'll be a serving machine, more or less.

And that brings me to today. I'm taking a meal to a family that lost a baby to a CHD. It's bummerific. I hope I'm not really, really awkward, like crying on the front step while they wait to open the door, or cracking insensitive jokes while I'm handing over my homemade soup. Aw.

Anyway. It's the saddest thing. I'm really glad to be able to do something tangible for them, even if it is only one meal. And same with the kids and with It's My Heart. I feel like at this point in my life, I don't have a lot of time or a lot of myself to give. But I'm honestly excited to see ways now where I can use what I have and what I know and help.

Crayons

2010-02-18T17:51:00.000-08:00

Luke has a new favorite hiding space.

I caught him red (and orange and black and white and green) handed!

Such a cute little troublemaker.

I can't see you Mama! I'm hiding!

Yes, that's a crayon mark on his face. I'm pretty sure he still has use of both eyes.

I do, too.

And if you're wondering (like Luke obviously was), yes, crayons do work on windows!

Valentine's Day date

2010-02-17T12:02:00.000-08:00

Our first date was last weekend. It was really two dates in one.

Part one: We got dressed up and went to a fund-raiser. Like rich people do! But we're not rich. Still, somehow we walked out of the silent auction several hundred dollars poorer because I went a little nut-so and decided it was time for a trip to Drummond Island. What's that? You don't know where Drummond Island is? What's that? It's not on your list of destination vacation hot-spots? Well, what do you know, OK? Drummond Island is a rugged little scenic spot in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. That's the part of Michigan that doesn't look like a mitten, FYI for non-Michiganders. You have to get there on a boat. And get there we will -- for four nights* next September, we'll get there, thanks to part one of our date.

I blame the wine. Also the exhilaration of being out of the house for the night with no baby to come home to at all. He stayed with grandma and grandpa. So we were free! Free! I love my son, but there is something so wonderful now about having no responsibility to another person, if even for a few hours. And I think the glee of that went right to my writing hand, which was just twitching to bid on something, anything.

One thing glee can't overcome: the total exhaustion I feel constantly these days. We ended the night stopping at a bar for the "30-something crowd." That's how we roll these days! Neither of us ordered a drink. It was past 11. I could barely keep my eyes open. By midnight, I was in bed, asleep.

Part two of the date began on Valentine's Day morning. I slept in until 9 a.m. Bliss. Then I came downstairs to find red and white roses and a card. I expected the card, but not the flowers. It was so satisfying to know that he'd managed to get them the previous day and hide them in the house somewhere. A few years ago, he most certainly would not have thought that far ahead. Then I opened the card to find a ~~hand-written~~ nicely typed letter. I'd asked for one thing for Valentine's Day: a love letter. I never said hand-written so oh well. Anyway, it was very sweet, recounting a bunch of moments we've shared, things big, things small. Made me choke up a little bit.

At 11, we went to breakfast at a place in Detroit called La Dolce Vita. Here's what our breakfast had: valet parking a stones-throw away from the nearest strip club; a former NBA player taking his wife and daughter out; at least two cute gay couples out on dates; a guy with dreads to his butt playing live music; the waiters in pajamas; beautiful upside-down U-shaped windows streaming sunlight into the room; and three entrees to split. (One for each of us, and one for the fat part of our brains that wanted us to get just one more).

We finished the date with a stop at John King books and a challenge: we had to each find the other person a book in 10 minutes. It was a lot of fun. I'm actually hoping this part of the date becomes a Valentine's Day tradition. It was tough! Ten minutes is not much time to browse for the perfect book for your sweetheart in a used book store. In the end, we each sort of picked two and let the other pick. I got him a book called "This is Your Brain on Music," which explains why we love music and how composers manipulate us, and for me, he picked out a book about toddler's brain development. We're a couple of crazy, brainy kids aren't we?

Some photos from our first date of 2010:

At the fancy schmancy fund-raiser...

He's so natural in front of the camera! Also, we were pleased that they didn't totally gorge us on the OJ.

Only $2.

My breakfast. English muffin, poached egg, smoked salmom and artichokes, with roasted potatoes. Yummy.

* Four nights indeed. When I won the trip, I totally counted it as five nights. So yeah, the "deal" I got is not quite as good as I thought.

Fabric loot

2010-02-14T18:44:00.000-08:00

I have been sewing.

I went to Arts and Scraps yesterday. That place is great. You fill a brown grocery back as packed full of goodies as you can for $7. That includes as many fabric bits and scraps as will fit! And so... check out my loot!

I really don't know what I'm doing with any of this...

But it makes me happy to have it!

CHD Awareness Week links

2010-02-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

It's CHD Awareness week, so as a heart mom, I want to devote one blog post to the cause.

What I thought I'd do is compile a list of places you can look for more information. And some other heart moms you can follow and read to get a more complete snapshot of this issue -- the most common birth defect in America.

A word of warning:

Some of this stuff is sad, sad, sad. Because these babies do not all survive.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, as they say.

Parents of Angels
The Wilson Heart
Baby Maverick
My son is an Angel
Ethan's Heart Still Beats
Luke's legacy
Cora's Story

Other heart moms or babies
My friend Mary, the president of our local It's My Heart chapter, blogs at Brownie Bitez.
The Heart Mom Chronicles
CHD Babies
Cain
When Life Hands you a Broken Heart
Matthew's Heart
All Red Baby Girl
The Carters
My Sweet Heart
Olivia

CHD Survivor blogs!
Lauren's Heart
Adventures of a Funky Heart
Memoirs of a Blue Baby

Resources/places to give
It's My Heart, national
It's My Heart-Metro Detroit
The Children's Heart Foundation
1 in 100
The American Heart Association
Blog4CHD
Cuddles from the Heart
Congenital Heart Information Network
Baby Heart

Things to buy to show support
CHD awareness jewelry
Silver by Trish
Crystal's Creations
Hope Heart Necklace
Heart Babies Collection Hair Flowers
Heart Art 4U
Little Lion Designs (an angel's mom's shop)

Super cool FAMOUS people with CHD's!
Olympian and red-head Shaun White!
Katherine Heigl's adopted daughter is a CHDer!

A few random bits

2010-02-12T12:41:00.000-08:00

I updated my header. What do you think? Does the photo look distorted? I wanted to get the words in a better place than Blogger was allowing me to put them, so I enlisted the help of Photoshop. But I really don't know what I'm doing on there, so please, give me your feedback.

I'm kicking butt drinking water today. Why? Because I'm working from home and the faucet and the bathroom are both mere steps away. No doubt about it, that's me biggest problem at work, getting up over and over to walk to the water and the bathroom. Lately, I haven't been doing so at all.

Started reading the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society this week. Very good so far. And it's great for my little thing about writing a handwritten letter! It's showing me just how poor I am with my letter-writing. I just straight-up don't know what to say. Isn't that kind of sad?

I went to the library last night and checked out three books on crafting. I'm soooooo geeked. I want to make 10,000 things. I'm planning a trip to Arts and Scraps in the morning. And maybe Michael's later tonight, if I think Luke can handle it. Or if I can handle it -- I'm not feeling well, despite all my water and a cup of hot tea.

Also want to recommend this blog I came across the other day. I like it. And I'm very interested to try the whole wheat bread recipe she created. I wonder where I would find vital wheat gluten. Whole Foods?

Finally, who can tell me the difference between whole wheat flour and WHITE whole wheat flour. Is this a fake whole grain or a real one?

Tomorrow is date night!

Do I captivate you?

2010-02-11T04:59:00.000-08:00

Finished another book, on my way to 25 books this year. It was one I received through paperbackswap.com. It's called Captivating, Unlocking the Mysteries of a Woman's Soul.

I really liked it.

There is a very liberal part of me that wants to rebel against what this book teaches and say it's not true. But a deeper, truer part of me feels it was spot on, and there should be no shame in admitting that.

The book talks about the fall of mankind, as in, the whole Adam and Eve storyline. I'll stop right here and say that I don't believe that story in the Bible is literal, but a figurative representation of mankind's fall and the after effects of it.

I have to go to work and don't have a lot of time to right a full review right now. But here are the main things the book had me thinking about: how women are God's most cherished creation (and this is backed up with scripture); that our relationships on Earth are bound to disappoint us because we're all a bunch of screwed up, "fallen" humans; that as women, our curse is that we'll always strive for relationship but will never be able to be totally satisfied because of the aforementioned point; that God is there, waiting for us to turn to him for the ultimate relationship, one that can be perfect because God is capable of fully knowing and loving us perfectly, as no man (or friend) is. That as women, we yearn, absolutely yearn, for a few things, among them to feel like we're an irreplaceable part of an adventure, to reveal beauty and to have this question answered: "Am I lovely?"

I don't know about you.... but for me, that's pretty spot on.

It also talked about how our beauty (inner beauty, ladies, inner beauty) unleashes a man's strength. That some women "hide" their beauty through their desolation, their striving or their controlling. I think I've probably fallen into those striving and controlling camps more than once.

OK, my computer just randomly shut down and restarted so I'm outta time!

But anyway, this book was a very interesting read. I'll try to find a good except to post later!

Some ideas for dates

2010-02-08T10:46:00.000-08:00

We've been going to a new church the last few months. It's great -- a little bit kooky, not afraid to be different, but different in ways that feel authentic and purposeful. Each Sunday, I don't know what to expect, but I leave feeling filled up with desire to know God more, to trust Him more, to love more, to serve more. It fills my cup.

One of the things they've been doing recently is the Great Date Experiment, where they ask couples to go on a date each month for six months. They give you a blueprint for each date -- a guide to follow that incorporates different facets of marriage from communication to romance. I just discovered this today, and the "experiment" might be nearing its end. But I'm going to try one of these blueprints soon. You can find them here -- just scroll down the page a bit.

We won't be able to try them on our next date though. On Saturday, we're going to a charity function (the Heart of a Child Fundraiser) that includes dinner and live music and a silent auction. I'm counting it as a date night, especially because Luke is staying at his grandparents, and I think in the morning, on Valentine's Day, we'll probably go out to breakfast. Which we all know is one of my favorite things (and one of my 20 little things). Since the night is already arranged, we'll save the experimenting for next time.

For this time, I'm just eagerly anticipating a night out without worry of coming home early to free the baby-sitter, a chance to get dressed up and go to a function organized by someone else, for something that supports my cause.

No. 3 -- Run a 10K

2010-02-07T10:32:00.000-08:00

Why it's on the list: Because their was a time, not too long ago, that running was my release. It held an important spot in my life. It was not just how I kept in shape, but how I stayed centered, the best time I spent in prayer, my most creative brain-storming sessions. I miss the ache in my legs. I miss the confidence that comes with each stride on a day running feels really good. I miss feeling like I am slowly building up to something big. I even miss working through the problems -- the days one mile feels like 10, the inevitable struggle to get out the door, the need to carve out time that totally for ME in an overbooked life. I miss the deep sleep that comes when your body really needs it.

How I'll do it: I'm not sure. This is a tricky one. It's the time. How do I find the time to train for a race when I work full-time, watch Luke by myself in the evening and am dog-tired pretty much all the time? Well, I think for starters I need to jive this with my 6 a.m. workout routine. As soon as it warms up, just a bit, I think I need to try running in the morning before work. It won't be easy I'm sure, but there are thousands of people who do it. What do they have that I don't? Also, again, once it's a bit warmer, I do have a jogging stroller. I need to use it more. And I have weekends. I need to schedule long runs for Sundays and make them happen.

I also thinking signing up for a race soon will be key in keeping me motivated. I have one in mind -- the Heart of a Spartan 10K in East Lansing on May 2. It's the first year for the race, it's in a city that is dear to me, and it's in a very nice month for running weather. It's far enough away that if I get started soon, I'll be ready. I'm not going to sign up just yet.... but I think that will be it.

I'll be back here soon.

A time out for moi

2010-02-06T10:55:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to post about my 20 little things today. Besides saying one thing -- I need to do better with all of them, especially my daily ones like drinking more water, setting aside 30 minutes for prayer, working out at 6 a.m. I'm struggling now in a sea of busyness. Some of which I bring upon myself.

Case in point: I took my little Elmo-crazed 18-month-old to see Sesame Street Live this morning. Quite the impulse move. Looking for tickets yesterday, I threw in today's date, thinking what the heck. I asked for the best seats, just to see what would come up. And what did but the front row! The price was higher than I wanted to pay. But I began daydreaming about holding Luke in my lap, his favorite characters dancing right in front of us. Sold.

It was so neat. The Fox Theatre in downtown Detroit is stunning, so stunning that it knocks me over every time I step inside. I urged Luke to look up! up! up! at the immense ceilings, the ornate trimmings, the gold, the blue, the carvings. He did! He gazed up with me. I set him down and let him roam a little. Seeing him, so small in this enormous place, he was like a weensy little speck. My speck.

We had time to kill. I didn't want to sit until close to showtime. We looked at the merchandise booth, where Luke's eyes lit up at all the Elmo possibilities. Shirts, dolls, flags, hats, and a ball. He crowded in to point at them with the other little kids. Me, being a schmuck who's not opposed to economic stimulation, whipped out my wallet to get him the ball. It was just too cute.

He hugged that ball the rest of the morning. We sat with about seven minutes to show time, and our seats were on the aisle in the front row center. I don't know if I've ever sat in the front row at anything before! I whispered to Luke that soon Elmo would be dancing and singing right in front of us. He gazed at the stage in awe.

The show was 90 minutes, with one intermission. Luke did well the entire time. Ten minutes in he asked for snacks, so we dug those out of my purse and ate while we watched the life-sized Muppets boogie. He clapped after each song, somehow holding onto the ball at the same time. At the very end, he started to wear out. He wanted down. I gathered our things, thinking we might need to bail, but he settled down just in time for the end, when confetti and streamers shot out from the corners of the stage toward the middle of the audience. Given our seat location, we were in the direct line of fire, and the bulk of the streamers landed directly on us. I thought this was a hoot. Luke did not agree. He started to cry.

So, we left with some tears running down Luke's face. But as we walked up the aisle, he recovered enough to look over my shoulder and wave bye-bye to Elmo.

When we got home, I asked him to tell Da-da who he saw. He looked at me like I was crazy. Totally blank.

"He's forgotten already," I said.
"Uh-huh," said my husband, who thought it was silly of me to take him.

He might have forgotten. But I know the memory of him in my lap, his little head right under my chin, his face gazing up at the music and lights, that's something I won't forget that for a good long while.

Raise a Glass to CHD Awareness video!

2010-02-04T18:38:00.000-08:00

Let's see if this works...

This is the almost final version of the video for the 1st annual Raise a Glass to CHD Awareness wine tasting and silent auction.

Take more videos of Luke

2010-02-04T17:49:00.000-08:00

Why it's on the list: Because of the truest of all the parenting cliches. He is just growing growing growing up way too fast. The moments I do have on video? They make my heart melt. I am such a dolt for having so few of them. We bought a video camera before Luke was born -- it was my husband's birthday present. We figured as parents we would need one as much as we would need sippy cups and things that honk and squeak. At first, we used it. Typical. Then we not only fell out of habit, but I lost the damn cord to charge it. AND I never uploaded the software to edit it to my computer. So basically, I am missing software and at least one crucial cord, and that's making it a little tough to take more videos.

How I'll do it: Buy a cord? And some software? Well, I don't even know if I need the software, but definitely the cord. I can also use my cell phone to take videos, but the quality is poor. And actually, that is all jacked up, too. I plugged the phone into my computer the other day, and ever since, it won't let me take a video because it says I need to put in a new memory card. WHAA? Can anyone explain this? I'm a tech-idiot.(Techidiot? Is this a new word?)

After I get the technical gobblty-gook figured out, I'd like to upload some video each month, so that at the end of 2010, I have a piece of the entire year documented.

I do have one gem from January, courtesy of my Blackberry before it went kerflooey. And I would totally upload it if I could figure out a way to do so on Blogger. Are we not allowed to post videos?

HELP! TECHIDIOT HERE!

My pretty, pretty water bottle

2010-02-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

My water bottle is so pushy.

I mean... did IT have to wake up to workout at 6 a.m. No.

Does it have at least six bosses? No (just one -- me).

Does it have a never-ending to-do list? A toddler who never ever ever shuts his little pint-sized motor off for more than 10 seconds?

No. No.

So who is IT to tell me Enjoy Life!

Well, I'll be honest. I actually snagged this perky little guy from the shelf at Home Goods because it is so chirpy. Positive. Blindly optimistic. Sunshine and rainbows. I need a little sunshine and rainbows in my life. I need a reminder to freaking enjoy life a little already!

And beyond that, I also need a reminder to drink water. Without a water bottle, I would drink maybe at a meal. It's pitiful really.

If you're like me, I recommend the water bottle. Something you'll feel good carrying. That will make you smile a little. That will make it easy to have water wherever you are. That will make, "Do you know where the bathroom is? I have to pee," the most common phrase to come out of your mouth.

It's pushy. But I need a pushy now and then.

No. 20 -- Write a hand-written letter each month and mail it.

2010-02-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

Whoooo will get the first hand-written letter?

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

Why it's on the list: Because there is something about a hand-written letter. The fact that it is pretty-much extinct? Maybe that's it. It's like an art form. I'm like a.... "thinker" if I write a hand-written letter. I must have something to say, if I write a hand-written letter. I am deep and philosophical and witty. OK, I'm being a little silly. But the bottom line isn't that far off. I think it's nice. To think of someone and sit down and clear your head and put some thoughts down and then to mail it. It's formal but intimate. You can keep a letter and reread it. And it's hard! We don't know how to write letters anymore. Our communications are so instant, so shallow and so constant, that when we're forced to be a little more long-winded, thoughtful and soul-bearing, it's, for me at least, a very unfamiliar, unnatural act. I'd like to be better at it. I'd like someone to keep one of my letters, pull it out years from now and smile. They say if you want to be good at something, to practice it. So here I go.

How I'll do it: I'm going to make a list of people who I think should get a letter. I'll review it and pick someone each month. I can change the list up at any time, but I hope having the list made will make me think of little things -- randomly, in the shower, while I'm driving -- to write in my letters. Then I'll pour a cup of something warm and sit down to write. I'm going to try to make those letters more than just drivel I spew out at the last minute. In full honesty, my first letter, written Saturday and to be mailed tomorrow, wasn't far off from that. Hopefully, as we go along, it won't be so hard to figure out something to say that is worthy of a hand-written note! Especially ones written on sweet stationary like this one was...

January round-up

2010-02-01T18:47:00.000-08:00

January by the numbers:

Things I finished from my list: 0

Nothing to scratch off, but that's OK. 11 months to go.

Daily list items I give myself a B or higher grade in: 3 out of 4

I'm eating better (but nowhere near perfectly) drinking more water and eating more whole grains. I have established a Google calendar and have remembered to add some things to it. (Baby steps, people!) My 6 a.m. workout needs a major kick in the pants.

Monthly list items I completed in January: 3.5 out of 5

I did a random act of kindness. I wrote a letter (but still need to mail it). I went to breakfast with my friend Jules. I called both of my brothers. I did not technically do something service-related besides signing up to be a volunteer for the Detroit Reading Corps (more on this later!) and working for It's My Heart-Metro Detroit. I'm the chapter secretary. So I wasn't a total bum. But I do need to sweat it a little and push myself to really get my hands dirty and serve.

Ongoing list items I made progress on: 1

I read two books. Twenty-three to go. The one I really need to work on? OK, the two I need to work on? Setting aside a weekly half-hour for prayer. And taking more videos of Luke. Stay tuned for the one video I have later this week, and my plea for help (help!) for figuring out my video camera so I can take more.

Items left on list: 20 (with one spare)

Overall?

January was decent.

As they say... Onward and upward

See the full list, broken into those categories, here.

Reading elsewhere

2010-01-30T08:10:00.000-08:00

Go on six dates with my husband

Here's a blogger who is shooting much higher than me. She's doing a date each week with her husband. They stay home and don't spend money, which is makes it interesting. They take turns figuring out what they'll do during their designated "date" time. She has a contract on her Web site if you want to participate. I feel like I could never do this! But it's a great idea.

Drink more water
Here's a five-step plan to help anyone who is trying to drink more water.

Establish a 6 a.m. workout plan that works.
Another mom who blogs is also playing with working out in the morning. Maybe she's on to something -- going to an actual class to ensure she's up and working out. It's really easy to tell myself I'm going to skip it (as I did all week) when I'm just going downstairs to workout to a DVD.

Make something crafty
I love these mosaic garden planters. So cute. Maybe this will be my craft project? We'll see. I'm going to collect a bunch of ideas before picking something.

Eat more whole grains
Oprah had Michael Pollen on her show this week. He's the writer who came up with the phrase, "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." On the Big O's Web site, she has a little guide to cooking with whole grains. I think that can be the stumbling block for a lot of people who look at these bird seed looking stuff and think, 'What the heck am I supposed to do with that?'

Do a Random Acts of Kindness each month
I noticed this story. Kind of cool. Someone dropped a pair of rings into a Salvation Army bucket, and it's being chalked up as a random act of kindness.

Recipe: spicy black bean soup

2010-01-29T11:00:00.000-08:00

I am kicking butt in the eating less meat department. I'm eating it here and there, but it's definitely not a daily thing. Besides a mindless bite of Luke's turkey meatball, I haven't eaten any this week besides dinner Tuesday, which was pretty crappy chicken. I think that was what they called it at the grocery store: "Sale on pretty crappy chicken!"

Anyway, tonight's dinner was a Spicy Black Bean Soup. It's a recipe from a book that I made all my own by adding in an extra can of black beans. Hopefully, that means Weight Watchers can't sue me.

Here's how you can enjoy this deliciousness:

1 onion, chopped
2 jalapenos, chopped, seeds discarded
3 cloves of garlic chopped
big splash of extra version olive oil, until you look in the pan and feel happy.

Saute those together for five minutes until the veggies are soft.

Then add:
1 cup of water
2 cups of veggie stock (organic!)
2 cans of drained and rinsed black beans (also organic)
big old dump of cumin, kind of big dumb of ground coriander, salt and pepper

Let it boil, then drop the heat and cover. Simmer for 45 minutes. Then haul the whole thing to the closest blender. The recipe said to let it cool first: I didn't. Why? Anyway, dump it in, and blend until it's smooth as smooth can be.

Warning! Warning!

My soup was an unhappy, yucky looking color.

But if you get past that, it's very tasty. My version with double the black beans was maybe thicker than what WW intended, but I like that. It was still soupy enough, but it had some weight to it on your spoon. And some bite -- use only one jalapeno if you're a wimp.

Not entirely pretty. But tasty and meatless.

No. 17 -- Call my brothers once a month

2010-01-28T17:41:00.000-08:00

Why it's on the list: Because my brothers (pictured above, Scott on the left doing the funny dance to get baby Luke to laugh, my younger brother Matthew watching) are great guys, and I should appreciate them more. And know them better.

How I'll do it. I will call them once a month. And guess what? Already done for this month!

I talked to Scott a week or two ago because I realized through Facebook sleuthing that he and his girlfriend had broken up. That was disappointing. I set them up. Well, me and the girl's sister. It was a sister-sister set-up and it seemed to be working magically, then splat! We talked for a good little while for the middle of a work day. He said he's not too heart-broken, but I felt like crying anyway.

I talked to Matthew on Tuesday when my little brother turned 28. YIKES.

He is surprisingly chatty. It creeps up on you. You're chit-chatting and then small talk turns into full-on gabbing, and you're like, really? We've got this much to say to each other?

I kid. He's my little brother. I have oodles of advice to give him. On this call it was mostly about his diet. But I have lots of advice for him in other areas of life as well, and I am looking forward to dispensing those morsels once a month. I bet he eager to receive them.

A little secret about me

2010-01-27T12:49:00.000-08:00

Before we go on with the list, I want to let you in on a little secret.

I have a cause.

Yes, I am the person who is going to annoyingly ask you for money or to come to an event or talk about the cause at a party when you simply wanted to know what beer they have on draft.

So what's the cause?

I'm a heart mom.

And in regular English, what that means is I am the mother of a baby born with a congenital heart defect. In this case, three CHDs.

Now before we go too deep in the story, let me tell you this -- my son is amazingly fine. His heart is now whole and basically perfect. In the world of heart moms, I seriously have the lamest story you can have. My son was born, he had to have surgery, he had surgery and he's been and should continue to be fine. So why am I making such a big whopping deal about it then, right?

Well, it's not so much about me in this case. Or Luke.

Through learning about heart defects because of Luke, I've met some other, much more amazing women and men than I. These people were not as lucky as me. Their kids have needed much more intensive care. Their hearts are much more fragile. They need multiple surgeries just to SURVIVE and then even if they do, their heart is always going to be at risk for major complications. And many kids don't live at all. Heart defects kill more kids than all forms of pediatric cancer combined.

Think about that.

How much more often do we hear about kids with cancer? And seriously, is sucks majorly that kids get cancer. It's not about that. It's about the fact that heart defects are just as deadly -- actually much MORE deadly. And so people should know about them and fight for those kids, too.

So. I'm getting involved in the CHD community because I know that so many kids have to fight much harder than Luke did. And some parents don't get to celebrate first birthdays, or take their kids to the beach, or capture them saying the ABCs on video. And even though Luke is fine know, it also sucks majorly that he had to have his chest cut open when he was six days old to have open-heart surgery. There are few feelings more terrible and helpless than watching your infant being wheeled away into an operating room, crying his little brains out, no clue that the world is not so awful as it seems or that is mama and dada love him to freaking pieces. It broke my heart.

So. I hope one day we'll know what causes CHDs so fewer parents have to live through that moment and fewer babies have to go through life with a scar on their adorably soft chests.

That's my cause.

Now, the quick story: Luke was born on July 18, 2008. We knew at that time that he had a ventricular septal defect, which is a hole in the heart. We hoped it was rather small and that it would close on its own. Many do. After the labor (I do not recommend labor) and birth, the NICU team took him away, those big MEANIES. When I finally saw him a few hours later, they told me the first dose of bad news: the hole was bigger than they thought. He'd probably need surgery, but not for a few months. Luke spent that first night of his life in my room, where I broke the hospital rules and pulled him all bundled into my bed with me to sleep for a while in my arms. How could I not?

You would have done the same thing.

The next day, the cardiologist came for a visit. He wanted to take a closer look. He being good at his job found something to be a little uneasy about. And so he told us: Luke has coarctation of the aorta. The part of his aorta that leaves the heart and curves to deliver blood to the right arm and lower half of the body was basically kinked like a big garden hose. It wouldn't be a big problem for a few days, when this magical little thing called the PDA would close. Until then, the heart would work. When it closed, it wouldn't, and Luke would go into heart failure. The diagnosis: sturgery as soon as possible. They whisked Luke away right then back to the NICU, where he'd wait for a helicopter to come and pick him up to fly to another hospital.

That sucked.

Once there, he spent six days in the NICU.

He wasn't always thrilled about that.

Then on July 24, early in the morning, he underwent open-heart surgery. It was supposed to take four hours, but took only three because our surgeon is a serious rock star.

Afterward, he looked like this.

That sucked, too.

But besides one pesky blood clot issue, Luke recovered like a dream. Off one machine, than another, than another, than the ventilator, then the drugs....

We were off the PCTU floor, a floor just for kids who have had heart surgery, in three days.

We spent another four in the general care area. Luke started to eat. He started to look .... healthy.

And on Aug. 1, with more relief and excitement and tiredness than you can image, we went home.

And since then, he has been almost normal. We got off the meds quick. The surgery was perfect. There have been no complications. He got a few special vaccinations to ward off RSV, and he got to be front in line for the H1N1 vaccine. But other than that, our story of worrying about Luke's heart should be over.

Some people probably think it is odd than that I'm now getting involved in congenital heart defect awareness. It can sometimes seem like a competition sharing these stories, and I can feel like mine isn't dramatic enough or Luke was sick enough to qualify. Well you know what? It still was no fun, and it is still nice to know that parents going through things like this can now find better support than I did.

And more people should know about this because, honestly, it is much more likely to happen to your kid than most anything else. 1 in 100, folks. Maybe if we spread more awareness about that, our country will devote more money to finding out WHY that is happening. Or find better ways to save these kids, so fewer have to die. Right now, only a fraction of a penny of the money spent on medical research goes to heart babies.

That's my cause.

I will shut up now, step off my soap box. I really don't want to be all in-your-face with the preachy stuff. I hope this doesn't come across that way.

But this is part of my story and part of my life now. So it should be a known part of this blog.

ROAK Day!

2010-01-26T18:39:00.000-08:00

Before we begin, I need to get something off my chest.

I feel like crap.

Not so much physcially. More mentally.

I'm sort of living inside a Sweet Valley High book. Or a Lindsey Lohan movie. At least, that's how some days feel at work. It's draining, exhausting and demoralizing. I haven't felt so unpopular since a kid rammed my head into the lockers in sixth grade.

I wish I was the type of person who was effortlessly happy, but that's never been me. I need to work at it.

My life is really fanstastic, and I'm nice. Really. And smart. Really. So I need to stop letting people who don't know me convince me otherwise.

OK, I feel a little better now. But that is where my heart is at right now, and that's where it was yesterday, too. Low.

I thought about my random act of kindness on and off throughout the day. I keep circling around two things -- what makes an act random and whether doing nice things for people I know should count. I know I previously said they shouldn't. But I thought for the first try, it might be OK to ease in. "Random" I suppose means with no other agenda than to lift someone's spirits in an out-of-the-blue manner. Works for me.

So I decided to buy my mother-in-law flowers.

She watches Luke on Monday afternoons. She came early yesterday so my husband could go to the doctor, and she stayed late so I could go the dentist. She does stuff like that all the time with no complaint. She's fabulous with Luke, and in generally. I supposed I'm building a case for why she desreved the flowers, and in this instance, that's besdies the point. But anyway, she did.

After the dentist, I stopped at a flower shop. With the shop-owner's help, I picked out a few green and white blooms. She tied them up with an orange bow. As she arranged them, I sat for 10 minutes in near silence for the first time all day. I thought about giving the flowers to my mother-in-law. It made me feel a little bit giddy. I really wanted the woman to ask what the flowers were for, but she didn't.

She handed them to me, and I stuck my nose in, inhaling deeply the floral scents.

So pretty.

It literally took stopping to smell some "roses" to make some of the stress slip away.

When I arrived home, Luke pointed right to the flower. I showed him the bundle and I set my stuff down, and then said to my MIL, kind of awkwardly I'm sure, that they were for her.

She said, "But it's not my birthday or anything!" I said they were for "just because" and gave them to her. She declared them beautiful and then set them down and went on to talking about what had gone on that day. The whole thing felt rather... odd. When she left (after staying even later to help me feed Luke and rush out the door to a meeting) she hugged me and thanked me again.

She sent an email thanking me again today. "Just wanted to thank you again for the beautiful flowers - I love the green/ white look - very fresh and contemporary .... it was so thoughtful of you ..."

That was nice on an otherwise not-nice day.

It bothers me how quickly I let positive moments in my life fade away, to be replaced with negative emotions. Maybe as these days keep going, I'll get better at that.

Sunday progress report No. 1

2010-01-24T18:25:00.000-08:00

Each Sunday, I'll do an inventory. Hopefully it will help me stay on track and re-evaluate what's working. I'll cross off any items I can and score myself on the weekly category. I'll also try to give myself some things to think about for the next week.

Gee, was that official sounding or what?

So... how am I doing?

Well, given this is a one-week-old venture, how bad could things be. I'm still riding that wave of excitement that comes with starting something new. You're motivated. You're committed. It hasn't gotten hard yet.

Daily: The workout? Needs working out. I am having trouble going to bed on time and waking up on time. Did it twice last week.

Also need to work on my water. It's just such an afterthought for me. I'd say on average I drink about two glasses right now -- which granted is two more than I used to!

The food is improving. I have been eating less meat -- even tossed around the idea (after finishing Skinny Bitch) of going vegetarian. Don't know if I'm there yet. But when I meal planned today, I included only one day with a meat-based dinner. I've also been going ga-ga for the whole grains. In my cupboards: whole wheat bread, whole wheat tortillas, quinoa, steel-cut oatmeal, whole wheat english muffins, two kinds of whole wheat pasta, organic whole grain DRINK, (?!) Multi-grain cheerios, and another whole-grain cereal. I actually am enjoying the taste of ALL of these whole grains. I think the only hurdle for me will be convenience; it's one thing to stock the home cupboards, it's another to find whole grains out in a restaurant or cafeteria.

The calendar? It is ON. I decided to stick with Google. Loaded that baby up with my standing appointments (small group, It's My Heart meetings, play group, weekly work meetings and deadlines). Now I need to take 10 minutes daily to make sure that baby is updated. I can do that.

Daily score: 5

Monthly: I need to get on several of these.
   Do something service related: I need to define what something "service-related" is. And, um, do one.
   Go to breakfast with friends: I went to breakfast this month with my girl Julie last weekend, so I consider that taken care of! Yea! One thing is dunzo for this month!
   Call my brothers: One brother down, one will be called Tuesday on his birthday!
   Do a random act of kindness for a stranger: Gulp. This is tomorrow. I have no idea what I'm going to do.
   Write one handwritten letter and mail it: Still need to do this, as I'm not thinking regular thank-you notes should count, right?

Ongoing:
   Take more videos of Luke: I'm having technical issues here. More on that this week.
   Fast once per quarter. Skinny Bitch actually had some good information on this. I will try to tackle this in February.
   Read 25 books: I've read two! Food Matters and Skinny Bitch.
   Set aside 30 minutes for prayer a week: Whoops. I don't think I did that this week.
   Go on six dates -- out of the house -- with my husband: I need to define what a "date" is. Was last night when we went out for a friend's 30th birthday party a date, or must we be alone?
Grow a fresh herb: Got a few months to go before I think about this.

One and done: None have been done!

For the next week, I need to keep up with the daily habits that have started to form, remember to update my calendar daily, find time to pray, complete my ROAK, call my brother, read a little each day, write my hand-wrttien letter and work on defining what all of these things mean and how I'll complete them.

Oh, and... pray.

No biggie, right?

No. 6 -- Take Luke to the beach

2010-01-22T13:56:00.000-08:00

Why it's on the list: Because...

I know he really likes playing outside...

And because the only time we really took him to a beach, it looked like this:

Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.

Plus now he can run around like a crazy-man, which I suppose would be equally entertaining and terrifying at the beach.

Also: I love the beach. Le sigh.

How I'll do it: Pick a day. Pray for sun and 78 degrees. Pack a cooler with fixins. Find a frisbee and Luke's beach toys. Lather on the sunscreen. Head for the sunny skies and the softest sand we can find.

Should be delightful. I can't wait.

No. 18 -- Do a random act of kindess each month

2010-01-21T11:00:00.000-08:00

Why it's on the list: Because I suck at this. I swear I'm a nice person, although I'm sure there are people who would dispute that. I can be opinioated and blunt and strong-willed. But deep down, I really am nice. But I don't let that side of myself out to play as often as I should, especially when it comes to total strangers. I have participated in a random act of kindess event, and what I did was buy a chocolate bar and give it to a pair of strangers. It was shocking to me how nervous that made me. Why is it so hard? Hopefully after this year, it won't be.

How I'll do it: Well, I think first of all, scheduling it will help. (It all comes back to the pesky calendar!) I think it might be good to have a certain day of each month in mind as my random act of kindness day. So I hereby declare the.... 25TH of each month to be my personal random act of kindness day. To help in the idea department, I've been doing a little online research.

There's a foundation out of Denver called Acts of Kindness. They have a newsletter and a Twitter feed. There are a few lists online from other bloggers who apparently have more ideas than I do. There's even a random act of kindness map, which I'm kind of baffled by.

More than anything, I'm going to try to be a little more aware. Aware of the nice gestures I see others making. Aware that there are people around me who could use encouragement. I think too often I walk around quite lost in my own head. In order for this to happen, I need to begin to gaze outward a little more.

Here's a cool thing about this! If you live in the Metro Detroit area and want to suggest someone who could use an act of kindness, please leave me a comment! Or send me an email at 20littlethings@gmail.com. This will make it a little less "random," but I think that's OK.

No. 10 -- Read 25 books

2010-01-20T18:00:00.000-08:00

Why it's on the list: Pretty clear-cut. Something we all sort of want to do, right? Read more books. I wanted to put a hard number to that. Because I like hard numbers. So 25 it is, roughly one every two weeks. That's ambitious for me right now. So ambitious, it might be impossible.

How I'll do it: Well, good question. My reading time now is mostly right before bed. I haven't been spending much weekend time reading. I think if this is going to happen for me, I need to do the following things: a) keep whatever book I am reading with me at all times, and b) read to unwind after Luke goes to bed and for some time on the weekends. This really isn't a chore at all -- I love to read. It's just setting up the situation where it will become a habit.

I probably could round up 25 books right now in my house that need to be read. I've also joined Paperbackswap.com, which is this service that lets you list books you're willing to part with and pick ones you want in exchange. Each time someone selects on of your books, you have to agree to ship it, which costs about $3. That gives you one credit to select a book of your own. My first book already arrived! It's called Why I Jumped, and it's about a woman who had postpartum depression on top of a very messed up life and tried to jump off a bridge to kill herself. I had never heard of it, even though it was caught on film and made a big viral video sensation a couple of years ago. But that description sucked me in. I don't know that I've ever read a book written by a suicide-attempt survivor.

Other sources for my book habit: the New York Times Books email that comes to my mailbox once a week, the Royal Oak Public Library, and hopefully, YOU. Recommend me a book, won'tcha? Please and thanks.

For the record, here's what I have coming to me from PBW.com...

Come Back: a Mother and Daughter's Journey Through Hell and Back (requested)

The Power of a Positive Mom (requested)

Water for Elephants (on its way)

Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul (on its way)

Skinny Bitch (on its way)

Bridge of Sighs (on its way)

and what I have on my wish list:

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking

Born Round: The Secret History of a Full-Time Eater

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

Connected: The Surprising Power of our Social Netowrks and How the Shape Us

Cost

Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything

The Guersney Literary and Potato Peel Society

Hot, Flat and Crowded: Why We Need a Green Revolution and How it Can Renew America

Hurry Down Sunshine

In Defense of Food: The Myth of Nutrition and the Pleasures of Eating

Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously

The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals

Our Story Begins; New and Selected Stories

Such a Pretty Fat

Stones into Schools: Promoting Peace with Books, not Bombs, in Afghanistan and Pakistan

Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace One School at a Time

The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference

Twinkie, Deconstructed

Under the Dome

If you have any strong reactions about those (either way) please let me know! And if you have a copy of any of them, and you'll let me borrow it, I will give you a cookie.

Give up yet?

2010-01-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

Have you guessed which item is going to be the hardest for me to keep?

Give up?

It's maybe not what you'd expect. The one on there that has me shuddering is No. 7, Keeping an up-to-date calendar.

Really.

That's some scary shit right there.

Let's take a look at all the unused "calendars" I have around here. This is what I rounded up in about 90 seconds of searching my desk, office and bag.

I swear, I'm the most disorganized wanna-be Type Aer ever. I so desire to have an organized calendar. Maybe this is a faulty assumption, but I feel if my calendar was in order, my life would be, too. Everything would be plotted, accounted for, budgeted, arranged. I so want that. But... it seems I've lacked the willpower to actually do it. Every tine I make a new commitment to keep one, I usually convince myself I need a fresh start, and off I go to buy a new ooooh pretty shiny planner. The high lasts about three days. Then the planner is tossed into a drawer, a pile, a stack. Buh-bye.

I'm not sure what is going to make anything different this time. The urge is strong: I wanna get a new one first. Well, you know what? I think I need to earn a new calendar. So let's see if I can keep one going for .... 30 days. If I do, it'll be great timing to get the 2010 planners on sale.

What else might help? A set time of day for updating. A system for what goes in the calendar. A decision about whether I'm looking for an online calendar or a hard copy, and whether I need one for my life life and one for my work life.

I'd love to hear what works for you. Do you keep a calendar? How do you stick to it? What's your system?

Ducks, get thee into a row!

2010-01-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

First things first. Instead of actually accomplishing anything on my list, I will utilize a popular procrastination technique -- I will organize and plan.

I like to plan. I'm so much better at that than the doing. So let's start there.

To help me wrap my little brain around this, I'm going to separate things into the following categories: daily, monthly, one and done and ongoing items. If something doesn't fit into one of those lists, well, I will squeeze it in like Michael Phelps into a speedo.

Let's just think about that image for a moment. Mmmm.

Okay.

Moving on.

Here's how it breaks down.

Daily:
Drink more water
Eat more whole grains, fruits and veggies and less meat.
    Keep an up-to-date calendar
Establish a 6 a.m. workout routine that works

Once a month:
   Do something service related
   Go to breakfast with friends
   Call my brothers
   Do a random act of kindness for a stranger
   Write one handwritten letter and mail it

Ongoing:
   Take more videos of Luke
   Fast once per quarter
   Read 25 books
   Set aside 30 minutes for prayer a week
   Go on six dates -- out of the house -- with my husband
Grow a fresh herb

One and done:
    Bake a loaf of sourdough
    Write something not for work
Run a 10K
   Take Luke to the beach
   Hold a dinner party
   Make something craftty

My reaction after reading that: damn! How am I ever going to do all that?

But also, wow, if I do, that's really going to be fun. Seriously! I sound geeky, but I don't care. I truly am geeked.

Now, in the coming days, here's what to expect. A brief bit about each of these items: why each one is on the list, and what my "plan" is for taking care of it. If I know anything, which is certainly questionable, it's that I am not going to do a single one of these little things if I don't figure out how and plan a little. So we'll look at that. I'll start with the item that I just know is going to be the hardest to accomplish.

Want to wager a guess which one that is?

Hi. I am going to do 20 little things.

2010-01-17T11:33:00.000-08:00

First thing you should know: I like to make lists.

Second thing: I am rarely good at following them.

And so it is against all odds (gotta ratchet up the drama, right) that I set out to blog my way through a master to-do list of 20 little things.

They really are small things. Nothing earth-shattering. But they're soul-boosting. They make me feel nice and happy. And that's nice for everyone.

What do you need to know about me? Not too much, I'd think. We all have lists like this, the things we mean to do. Some people write them down. Some people just know in their heads and hearts what's on their list.

But no matter which approach you take, I'd venture to say, a lot of people never get around to crossing those items off.

I want to make 2010 fab. I want to emerge from the other side feeling like, you know what, I didn't waste my time this year. I did some things. I had some fun. I was good to me, good to the people I love, good to the earth, good to strangers.

So off we go.

Here's what's on my list. Along the way, I'll blog about how I'm doing. I'll share photos and videos. I'll try to update this frequently. I'm going to invite a number of "real-life" contacts -- my friends and family -- to follow this. If you are one of those people (aren't YOU lucky!) than I would love love love for you to join me in any of these (in fact, you'll be forced to join me in some of them) and to comment here and hold me accountable in person. Smack me around a little when I'm slacking. Tell me I rock, and that I smell pretty -- that's just something everyone likes to hear.

And share your list with me, and I won't mind smacking you around or telling you you rock either.

Enough blathering. Here's my list, presenting in no real order.
1. Bake sourdough bread.
2. Write something not for work.
3. Run a 10K.
4. Take more videos of Luke.
5. Fast once per quarter.
6. Take Luke to the beach.
7. Keep an up-to-date calendar.
8. Establish a 6 a.m. workout routine that works.
9. Eat more whole grains and fruits and veggies and less meat.
10. Read 25 books.
11. Drink more water.
12. Do something service related once a month.
13. Set aside 30 minutes per week for prayer.
14. Go on six dates -- out of the house -- with my husband.
15. Go to breakfast with friends once a month.
16. Hold a dinner party.
17. Mark something crafty.
18. Call my brothers once a month.
19. Do a random act of kindness once a month -- must be for a stranger.
20. Write one handwritten letter and mail it each month.
21. Grow a fresh herb.

What? Yeah, there are 21 things. Why? Well, because look, life is inevitably going to make one of these hard. I just know it. That's OK. If I don't do these all, that's OK. By having 21, I just make it that extra bit likely that I'll hit 20 little things.

So that's it. That's going to be my 2010. I think it'll be great.