Happy things

One of the books in Luke's current rotation is called the "Pout-pout Fish." It's about a depressed fish that can't get over itself and find some joy in life. "I'm a pout-pout fish," he says, "with a pout-pout face, for spreading dreary-wearies all over the place."

I have been a bit of a pout-pout myself lately.

It bothers me.

So I'm dedicating this post to a bunch of random things that make me smile. To remind myself that I too should get over myself and look around and let some joy in.

Just read a lovely post a blog called Brighter Than Sunshine. Written by a woman who seems endlessly hip, it's partially about her and her husband's story of adoption. They are awaiting their Ethiopian daughter. Read this post about all the things this mama wants for her girl. Doesn't that say it all? Also, she is selling aprons to help finance the adoption, which she said will cost $25,000. This link will take you to the store where you can  buy one.

What else?

A recipe for Apple-Banana Cupcakes. Like a muffin, but with frosting. I must try these soon.

Speaking of delectable treats, check out this fabric-pattern inspired cake. How freaking cool is that?

When I'm feeling extra pout-pouty, a good place to check in is the Feel Bad Blog. An artist living in Las Vegas or maybe Los Angeles, I'm not sure, started this blog after she lost her job. It's hilarious and done all in graphic illustrations. I love it. Even when it is kind of sad -- I mean, the blog is indeed all about feeling bad -- it is funny. Check it out.

Oh and finally, I must announce. I am a Gleek. I don't even like this song. But I love it on Glee.

Wordless Wednesday 5/19

Scenes from Flower Day at Eastern Market.

Make-up bags

Attempt one. Took me all afternoon. Fabrics given to me by my friend Jen. It turned out somewhat functional but far from perfect. The outer fabric was kind of hard to work with. It was fraying terrible by the zipper and I wound up with holes. Also I was hasty when I cut the corners on the bottom and they ended up being uneven. This is a lesson I am slowly learning from sewing: there is no cutting corners. You must take time, measure, pin, recheck everything, and go slowly. That is typically not how I operate in life. Most of the time, I make up my mind (this is the part that can take me forever) and then I GO. I'm learning to focus on the details and take my time.

 See? Lop-sided.

Attempt two turned out much better. Used up the scraps from my apron and made another bag, this one a birthday present for my friend Aimee.

I think there might have been a hole somewhere in this one, too. That's one thing I have trouble with -- leaving enough seam allowance. But overall, I was really happy with this!

Then I decided to sew up one for my Mom for Mother's Day. She isn't much of a traveler or a make-up wearer. But I figured anyone can find a use for a cute zipper pouch, and at that point, I had no other ideas. So this is what she got.

Made up of Arts and Scraps fabric finds, so the total cost for this one was basically $2.

I'm going to make myself another one to replace the first attempt. Then of course I will need to buy all new makeup in nice clean packages. The outside of my makeup always gets gunky and then my make-up bags get gunky. Does that happen to everyone, or am I just an even bigger mess than I realize?


Oh, by the way, the tutorial is from, you guessed it, Prudent Baby! I'm kind of obsessed.

10-minute onesie dresses

I need to have a girl.

Seriously! There are so many cute things to make for girls. Boys, not so much.

But a few weeks ago, I whipped up these "10-minute onesie" dresses from Prudent Baby. Of course, for me, I think the first one took at least an hour, and the second one probably 30 minutes. It's true they're simple though, and fairly easy. And how cute! I'm excited to give these to one of my 13 preggo friends. It's hard to pick who...  If you're one of them and want one, you can bribe me with blue corn tortilla chips and white bean hummus from Trader Joe's. I think that combo is now one of the major food groups in this house.

I'll be updating this week with several more projects I've been working on.

What are YOU working on?

Sandy, can't you C?

Oh little forgotten blog. I've missed you.

Trying to unstick my mind is not easy. In the meantime, I have been sewing.

I'd like to show you all the pretty things I've made...

And I will. Soon.

But I know this blog is fast turning into a gee-look-what-I-made-now dumping place. Not my intention.

So before we to that, let me update a 20 little thing. Imagine!

I started my reading corp volunteering this week. My little preschooler Sandy (named changed to protect the innocent with an oddly-spelled name) was incredibly confidence, squirmy and pleasant. She could spell her oddly-spelled name when I put the letters in front of her all scrambled. She really was one step ahead of me every time I tried to introduce something new to here. Read Mary Had a Little Lamb? Pish-posh tutor! She said the whole thing right along with me. When I read The Very Hungry Caterpillar, she knew the storyline and pointed out all the fruits. She really wanted to practice writing her name. I let her. The first letter looked very good. After that, not so much  I have no idea how well kids her age are supposed to be able to write. But I felt a little bit like Sandy didn't really need much help. Or maybe my expectations were too low? I don't know. Sandy might not be my regular student anyway; there was some confusion when I arrived about who I was to see.

I'm excited to see where it goes.With Sandy or whoever.

Two other things:: immediately after meeting the woman running the program at my school, a really nice woman about my age, I realized she had lipstick on her teeth. BAD. So we're in the hallway and I'm internally debating whether to tell her, when my boss walks up. Not just my immediate boss, but like THE boss. So now it is the three of us, and she's shaking his hand, and ug, I felt so bad. What would you do in a situation like that?

The other thing: It was my first time in a DPS elementary school. I spent most of it in the library. The room was mostly filled with tables. Only half of the room was lined with shelves for books -- none were in the middle or the room or in the other half. Those shelves, I'd say, where about 35% full. Sad.

Apron!

I made an apron!

And I did it without a tutorial to follow or a pattern, besides the old raggedy apron I wanted to replace. I just folded it in half length-wise, folded the fabric in half and cut. The straps, the same thing, although I did start with one fabric and then switched when I couldn't flip the tube right-side out easily. I made the first tube too narrow using too stiff a fabric. This red backweight cotton was easier to work with, and I increased the size a little. I think doing it again, I'd make the bottom straps even thicker. I like a big thick strap.

Of course, there are a few little issues. I'm not sure how to best close the ends of the straps. I should have closed one end while sewing, but it didn't dawn on me. Attaching them was also a question, but I did what made sense to me -- folded them into the edges of the hems then then sewed them straight in as I stitched around the sides.

It has a nice double pocket on the front... might be a little hard to see.

For my first apron attempt, I'm pretty pleased!

After I was done, I did find a boatload of free apron tutorials via TipNut.com. So you don't have to freewheel it like me!

April comes to a close

I made this list of 20 Little Things early in January on a Sunday afternoon. I can't really remember what happened that morning. But somehow by 2 or 3 p.m. that day, I'd managed to find a sliver of time in which my brain was not cluttered, my son was not calling for me, my chores were out-of-sight-out-of-mind, work was a day away. I scribbled down the list quickly, throwing on it all sorts of jumbled dreams and ideas I harbor. Some practical, some purposeful, some intended to teach me something new or bring me an experience I had to that point lacked.  I didn't have to think long or hard. It was all right there. Once it was on paper, I felt instantly excited about what this year was going to be.

I still want all those things for myself. It still excites me to picture a life in which they're all realities.

But I'm going to forgive myself right now.

I'm failing the list.

It's OK. It was a moment in time when I made some absurd decry about my life for 12 uncharted months. What the hell did I know then?

I'm not saying I'm giving up or anything. Hell, I plan to plant that herb garden tomorrow. But I am admitting that perhaps I was too lofty. A list of 20 actual events might have been easier. Single-time things that I could scratch off and be done with. But some of the things on that list are daily things. Some weekly. Some came with arbitrarily assigned quotas. Why do I need to write one letter a month, really? What's at the heart of it is I simply like the idea of writing letters and would like to do it more. That's all. Same with prayer and with calling my brothers... They're on the list for a reason, but I am now questioning whether it was smart to set such rigid guidelines for how they're to happen.

Look. I don't know what it is. The spring air? Some serious inbalance in my life? The reality of being a mom with a toddler and a full-time job? But something has had me teetering lately. Fine one moment, practically certifiable the next. I honestly can not tell you what exactly is wrong. Maybe nothing. Maybe I just need to appreciate everything I have more, because I am blessed beyond belief.

I don't want you think I'm coo-coo-la-la-land crazy over here. I'm not. Like I said, much of the time, all is well. But I assume honesty is appreciated. So here's me being honest.

I'm scared to have another kid. It's going to hurt. It's going to be hard to be a mom of two. It might mean I walk away from my career. I can't promise that the child will be healthy; the last one wasn't. Maybe that one was my fault; maybe I'll make the same mistakes unknowingly again. The clock is ticking.

What else? My job. There is a lot I'd love to say about it, but I won't here. The thing I will say is that the thing that drove me, personally, this silly-little-dream that I could be great at what I do... it's hard to access right now. It's not gone, but perhaps buried. I feel sad and purposeless without it.

What else? Being a mom is the most rewarding, wonderful thing in my life. But tonight my son screamed for 10 minutes because I wouldn't give him my bowl at dinner. I thought he wanted my food, and could not solve the equation, until finally, it dawned on me. The fucking bowl. He wanted the f-ing bowl. He delights me more than anything ever, and I love him to the bottom of my heart and back up a thousand times. But also, he tires me. He doesn't stop. Ever. Hearing him say 'Mama' makes my heart do little dances. But also, he says it about 500 times a day. Sometimes -- many times -- for no reason.

What else? My imperfect little brain with all its issues is still floating around in my head, causing trouble. In a cage match with my heart, it wins every time, and my little heart is sitting in the corner more than it should be, trying to puff itself back up.

All these hairy emotional personal icky little issues. They hit the list in a lot of ways. Make me want to eat cookies and pizza instead of fruits and whole grains, and sleep in instead of workout, and watch TV instead of anything else. They turn me inward, where I can stew and feel badly about everything, instead of outward, to productive things like praying or serving others.

I'm no superwoman. I guess that's all I'm saying.

So. I'm laying down an amendment.

If I don't meet these 20 Little Things by the letter, I will continue to try to meet them by their spirit. That's what I really care about anyway.

I certainly didn't make this little list so I could feel bad that I'm failing at it. So this is just an FYI, that I'm changing the game or the rules or whatever. It's my game anyway.

Mother's Day gift guide

Him: Are there any mothering devices you'd like for Mother's Day?

Me: Like a robot?

Him: I was thinking more like a leash.

Catching up, part 2

Where did we leave off? Oh, yes.

Grow a fresh herb: Perhaps this Saturday would be a good day to plant my container garden, no? I'm thinking: basil, thyme, rosemary, dill, hmmm, what else? What's easy? If you know, please do tell me!

Hold a dinner party: Yes, check-mark. Full post on the Seinfeld dinner party will be coming soon!

Keep an up-to-date calendar. Oh my. MAJOR fail. Ultimate fail. Besides water, probably my weakest link. I am going to schedule a 30 minute catch-up for this Thursday. I don't care when Thursday, but at some point that day, I'll get it back on track.

Make something crafty: I've already completed this of course, but that hasn't stopped me from continuing to craft! Full post coming this week about my attempt to make a make-up bag, and a few new DIY pocket bibs! Also, if I finish it, an apron. I just cut the fabric last night.

Read 25 books. Eee. This is another black hole. I have started so many. But you know, I do think I will have one to say I finished later this week. I'm reading a book about not taking yourself too seriously as a mom. It's refreshing, and perhaps just what I needed to chill me out.

Run a 10K. Crickets! I did have my eyes on a 10K that's coming up this weekend, but it turns out I have to work Sunday. So I'm back at zero. My goal: scan the next few months and see what's coming up. I believe there actually might be a perfect solution -- a 10K the goes right by my house!

Set aside 30 minutes per week for prayer, This is getting embarrassing! Do my middle-of-the-night prayers count? Probably not. So. Listen up. I will be getting up at 5:50 tomorrow. I will pray until 6:20. It's said. It's done. If you have someone for me to pray for, leave me a comment.

Take Luke to the beach. I have my eyes on July 1. We'll have to see if the weather cooperates.

Take more videos of Luke. I took one on my phone a few days ago of him counting to 20! He skips many numbers and always ends up saying, "18, 19, 20, 18! Twenty and the last 18 are both yelled. If I can figure out a way, I'll post it here soon.

Write one letter and mail it each month. I'm going to write a company I love to tell them how much I love them. People don't do that enough anymore.

Write something not for work. A little deflated here after the big-time magazine didn't bite on any of my story ideas. But I am also boasted by their interest alone. I have a few ideas kicking around in there.

Today I sat and watched Luke play at the park, and for the first time in a long time, I felt genuinely inspired. Not by any idea in particular, but just simply inspired. Like I was noticing things, breathing in the world, not simply stewing in some mix of anxiety or fear or worry. Moved to see the wind blowing in the trees, energized by the realization that there are characters and words and story ideas in there. I should get them out onto paper sometime.

Catching up

Ha! I make a post saying I'm back and then take off another few days.

Forgive me. This month is just nutso insane. Lots going on. I'll stop now and get on with it.

Since I have a lot of catching up to do, I'm going to do a little run through the list. Shall we?

Bake sourdough bread: Nope, sorry. I am saving this for the fall. Won't it be nice when the first chill hits the air to take to the kitchen and bake up a loaf of sourdough? To serve with a big pot of soup? Mmmm. Yes, I will save this for sure.


Call my brothers once a month: Talked to Scott today! We had lots to talk about. He put an offer in on a condo. And he got himself a puppy! Ozzie... do you not love him?

Do a random act of kindness: Um, wow. Just realized my day is tomorrow! I'll be uber busy with the March for Babies. We'll see what I can come up with.


Do something service related: See above! I think raising money for the March of Dimes counts! Right?

Drink more water: Oh my goodness. How amazingly I'm failing at this one! I just am not drinking water at all. Barely a sip. What happened? I don't know! Well, most likely, I simply got lazy. The result is I've been more tired and grumpy feeling all month. Can I really blame that on lack of water? I think so! It's a subtle difference, but drinking a good amount of water just makes everything work better. My mind, my body, my sleep, everything.

Eat right (more whole grains, less meat, more fruits and veggies): Doing OK. Not great. Social events make eating right tough. Being tired and grumpy makes the desire to cook wane. The result: too much eating out and not taking my lunch to work with me. But I'm please to report I did try: at the Frozen Four, I walked around the concourse until I found a vendor that sold veggie burgers. The funny part is that I am pretty sure they still served me a cheeseburger. But I did try! I also ordered veggie creole at my husband's birthday dinner, bypassing many many tempting dishes with andoielle sausage. Mmmmm sausage. This morning, at breakfast out with friends, I ordered a vegan tostada. So there! I'm trying! The one area I could really stand to work on is fruit. Surprising because I love fruit. So why am I barely eating any?


Establish a 6 a.m. workout routine: Boooo! Since Jazzercise, this hasn't happened. Time to get back on the train. I am buying a four-month membership to Jazzercise. That'll do the trick.

Fast once per quarter: Maybe I should set a date.

Go on six dates with the hubby man: Check mark! We had a great time last weekend at his surprise 30th birthday party. Most of it was a solo date. First, I took him to the gun range. I know it's weird, but he's been having a mimi mid-life crisis lately about his lack of "life experiences," among them, shooting a gun. So we bought a round of bullets and rented him a 9mm. I have never felt more out of place anywhere in my life (well, except maybe all of middle school). After that, we had dinner with family and friends at his favorite restaurant, then a drink with a couple more friends before heading out to see Jerry Seinfeld at the Fox Theatre. Best part of the show: a lengthy bit about Pop-tarts. Worst part: when the guy behind us commented to his friend how the theatre might be a terrorist target because of "all the Jews there."

Go to breakfast with friends once a month: It's possible I did two this month! Once with my friend Jen, followed by a refreshing 30 minute walk. And this morning with one of my 13 pregnant friends, followed by a fabric shopping trip. I love Saturday mornings.

OK, we'll do the next 10 tomorrow!